Are you a people pleaser? Someone who caters to what others want? Do you obsess over whether people like you or not? No? Oh yeah…me neither.
To all the people pleasers like me, we have an important message to hear and LIVE out—your voice and your opinion matter. If you want to make a difference in this world, you must use your voice! In order to use it, you must find it first!
What do I want to say? What do others need to hear? What should I say and not say? These are questions we must ask ourselves when we do the hard work of changing our people pleasing ways.
Simply regurgitating what you think others want to hear or repeating what you’ve been taught without accepting it yourself is not the role of a mature adult. However, finding out, for certain, what you believe is.
It takes times for people pleasing types to stop acting like a chameleon. It takes silence, solitude and God’s help. What’s really going on inside your heart? What are you really thinking and feeling? Each of us have a God-given voice to be used for good. To be used for making a difference, not simply pacifying those around us.
1. Figure out what you believe, what you really believe.
Not what everyone else says. Not what your parents’ say. Figure out what YOU believe and WHO you believe in. This “who” should become your compass in place of making everyone happy. As I strengthen my faith in Jesus, I find my confidence and my voice.
2. Accept the most difficult truth for people pleasers.
Despite your best efforts, you can’t make everyone happy all of the time. You are not a genie. You are not sugar or chocolate. You are a human and you must decide to quit making everyone around you the gods you serve and appease. [Ouch. That hurts, I know.]
3. Learn to express your opinion.
This one can be challenging at first. Start small. When you are going out to eat with friends or family, don’t just say, “Whatever you want to eat is fine with me.” Figure out what you want and contribute your opinion to the group. Your voice matters! Even if that isn’t where you end up going, learn to accept that things won’t always go your way. Being a chameleon is no life. It is an exhausting fake existence that ends up leading to emptiness.
4. Remember — It’s Ok
It’s ok to have a differing opinion. It’s ok for others to not be happy. It’s ok to share your thoughts. Time and place rules apply, but learn, with the Holy Spirit’s help, to express yourself. Start with safe people. See how facing this fear and embracing the YOU God designed you to be will bring levels of freedom you never thought possible.
Cheers to all my people pleasing friends online, may each of us find our voice and the freedom it brings!