Sometimes I’m Disappointed with Myself

CONFESSION

At times I grow weary and disappointed with myself. I envision where I’d like to be and dream of the person I long to become. I’m determined to succeed. I see the areas that need improvement, so I read, pray, reflect, and do everything I can to grow into the version of me that I desire to be.

The problem is growth takes so much longer than I’d like!

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

When I’m honest with myself, my expectations are a wee bit unrealistic. I see them for what they are when they are words written on paper.

• I want the wisdom of someone in their 80’s but in my 30’s.
• I want maturity and depth produced in the speed of a microwave instead of life’s slow cooker.
• I want loads of experience without the trials and pain that often accompany it.
• I want to be like pure gold without the heat of the refiner’s fire removing all the impurities. 

RELEASING CONTROL

When I notice the looming discouragement over my progress, I must recognize how easy it is to forget how much I’ve grown. I lose track of how much I’ve already learned. In the pursuit of the idol of “MORE, BETTER, BEST,” I step out of my role as a lump of clay in the Potter’s hands and try to mold myself with all the resources at my fingertips. I make a mess when I try to do it my own way, even when I have the best of intentions, even when I want to improve for godly reasons.

The lesson must be learned once again. I must surrender my lofty goals and unrealistic expectations. Relinquishing my attempts at perfection and my false assumptions about the “ideal Joy,” I can rejoice in the safety and the guidance of my Potter’s hands molding and making me. 

When I follow His lead, He can make growth happen so much faster than I ever could. He can also go at the perfect pace for this little stubborn human. Surrender brings peace and removes discouragement. Surrender reminds me of who I am and who He is. 

Today, I rejoice that I am a work in progress. How wonderful it is that the Potter knows how to perfectly mold and make me into what He desires. He has plenty of patience and grace for me; I need to have a bit for myself as well.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, we are often foolish to believe we can do many things on our own. The truth is we can’t. We are in desperate need of you in every aspect of our lives. Today, we surrender yet again. We are simply little lumps of clay. Mold us into what You desire and let it be for Your glory alone. Amen.