Finding Joy In The Journey

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Sometimes I’m Disappointed with Myself

CONFESSION

At times I grow weary and disappointed with myself. I envision where I’d like to be and dream of the person I long to become. I’m determined to succeed. I see the areas that need improvement, so I read, pray, reflect, and do everything I can to grow into the version of me that I desire to be.

The problem is growth takes so much longer than I’d like!

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

When I’m honest with myself, my expectations are a wee bit unrealistic. I see them for what they are when they are words written on paper.

  • I want the wisdom of someone in their 80’s but in my 30’s.
  • I want maturity and depth produced in the speed of a microwave instead of life’s slow cooker.
  • I want loads of experience without the trials and pain that often accompany it.
  • I want to be like pure gold without the heat of the refiner’s fire removing all the impurities. 

RELEASING CONTROL

When I notice the looming discouragement over my progress, I must recognize how easy it is to forget how much I’ve grown. I lose track of how much I’ve already learned. In the pursuit of the idol of “MORE, BETTER, BEST,” I step out of my role as a lump of clay in the Potter’s hands and try to mold myself with all the resources at my fingertips. I make a mess when I try to do it my own way, even when I have the best of intentions, even when I want to improve for godly reasons.

The lesson must be learned once again. I must surrender my lofty goals and unrealistic expectations. Relinquishing my attempts at perfection and my false assumptions about the “ideal Joy,” I can rejoice in the safety and the guidance of my Potter’s hands molding and making me. 

When I follow His lead, He can make growth happen so much faster than I ever could. He can also go at the perfect pace for this little stubborn human. Surrender brings peace and removes discouragement. Surrender reminds me of who I am and who He is. 

Today, I rejoice that I am a work in progress. How wonderful it is that the Potter knows how to perfectly mold and make me into what He desires. He has plenty of patience and grace for me; I need to have a bit for myself as well.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, we are often foolish to believe we can do many things on our own. The truth is we can’t. We are in desperate need of you in every aspect of our lives. Today, we surrender yet again. We are simply little lumps of clay. Mold us into what You desire and let it be for Your glory alone. Amen. 

A Vital Lesson from a Young Woman’s Prayer

Praying Together

Recently during a time of prayer, a young woman lifted up her voice to God. She is blessed with an outward beauty, but as she voiced her prayer, the hidden beauty of her heart became evident as well. She expressed a sweet anthem to the God who deserves all adoration. Her prayer was in fact praise.

Not surprisingly, hearing her heartfelt prayer brought tears to my eyes.

Truth be told, these are not easy words to say in her current situation. She has struggled and continues to struggle. Her story is not mine to tell, but life has been disproportionately unfair to her. Despite her circumstances and the many reasons she could’ve abandoned God, she has not let go. Through it all, it is clear that God has not let go of her either. 

Question: Are we allowing discomforts and difficulties to silence our praise to God?

I am challenged by her sweet words of praise and worship. Even when life throws its worst punches, I long to remain steadfast. I want to remain full of trust when circumstances force me to ask the toughest questions about God. Even when life brings with it many bruises and burns, I want to lift up beautiful anthems of praise.

Today I am reminded that if this young woman can praise God, so can I. If she will choose to praise God, so will I.  

Prayer

Lord, no matter what we face this week, help us to choose to worship you. You already warned us that life would bring trouble and difficulty. Help us to face the challenging moments this week with a healthy dose of worship. You don’t want us to ignore the pain, but you also don’t want us to forget that you are on the throne. So, today, we declare that all glory and honor belongs to you. You are good even when life is not. Today, we choose to worship You. Amen.

One Way to Avoid Communication Blunders

Confession: I did not communicate effectively in a meeting last week. At one point during a discussion, my words did not match my heart’s intent. What I thought I said in kindness came out awkward and off. 

The worst part is that I didn’t even realize it!

Thankfully, my co-leader pointed out this epic fail to me after the meeting. I thought explaining what I intended to say would help her understand how my words were meant to be positive not negative. Of course, I thought she needed the clarification to see how I was right. Another fail. My explanation only validated how I missed the mark in communicating with one of our interns. I was horrified. 

I quickly made amends for the poor communication. The intern was gracious with me and knew my heart was not to hurt or offend her. [Sigh of relief]

Yet, how often throughout my week does this happen without someone present to point out my blunders? 

Clear communication is a necessity and a challenge in day-to-day living. How people express themselves–their word choice, their tone and the filters both the speaker and listener have–can help or hurt effective communication. While we can’t control other people’s interpretation of our words, we can do a better job at presenting information clearly.

Why did I make such a blunder last week? To list a few reasons that are apparent to me in this moment:

  • I’ve been overworking.
  • I’ve been tired. 
  • I’ve been stressed.
  • I’ve needed more quiet time to notice what is going in my heart.
  • I’ve needed more time to listen to the Lord and hear His Words.

Communicating well, in my opinion, necessitates self-care. If we take care of ourselves, we can take better care of others around us. It’s part of the “love your neighbor as yourself” principle (Matt. 22:39). When we are in better shape emotionally, physically, and spiritually, our communication improves. We reflect Jesus better. It’s a simple truth with lasting impact on those around us.

My prayer is that we will take care of ourselves a bit better this week, so that we can wield our words with more grace and clarity. The world needs better Christians and better communicators! 

Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. -Psalm 141:3


God, Keep Her Safe

I find myself whispering a little prayer these days. No doubt it’s because I am regularly in contact with women in some of the worst conditions on the streets. My heart strings are tugged, even ripped out, because of situations I see and hear. My prayer, without even being conscious of it until recently, has become a basic request throughout my day.

A little girl on her way to school is bundled up in a scarf and coat and I whisper in my heart:

God, keep her safe.

A lovely teen is surrounded by boys on the tram and I silently pray:

God, keep her safe.

A woman stands on the street corner with a deep pain evident on her face and I say:

God, keep her safe.

Asking God to protect women in every stage of life, the young and the old, the weak and the strong, is not a bad prayer to pray. Prayers of protection are found throughout scripture. My work let’s me encounter too many who have not been kept safe from evil.

I want to pray God’s protection over as many as I can and be a source of protection for those within my reach. I will, along with many other requests for these women, say a simple prayer that comes from deep within me.

God, keep them safe.

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” -Psalm 18:2

One Thing Many Christians Forget Today

“You may be the only person to pay your student(s) a compliment all day, all week, all month!”

My mentor teacher passionately spoke these words to me in my first few months of teaching high school. She reminded me of this truth when I was struggling with some of my worst students all crammed into the same class period. I wanted to pluck out my eyes and pull out my hair because of how challenging some of them were. Yet, my mentor teacher believed with her whole heart that our words hold much power, especially for those tough cases in the classroom.

I have never forgotten her words.

As a new teacher, my standards were high, but my experience level was low. I wanted to be someone my students remembered as a positive influence and a fabulous teacher. The problem was that I knew so little about the young men and women in my classes. How could I know everything about more than 100 students filtering through my classroom each week? 

Despite my frustration with some of my most trying students, I pondered soberingly:

  • What was life like for them at home? 
  • Did they have friends, I mean, real friends? 
  • What were their struggles, insecurities, and doubts? 
  • Is anyone they know looking for ways to encourage them today?

I could search their grade point average on the school database and gauge their academic status, but that was rarely the most important information to help them flourish.

While this episode in my life was specific to my teaching position, it reaches far beyond the classroom. Are we, as Christians, adding or subtracting to the lives of people we encounter each day? Are we, as followers of Jesus, asking the same questions about the difficult people we know:

What is life like at home for them? Do they have friends, I mean, real friends? What are their struggles? Is anyone they know looking for ways to encourage them today?

We have a long way to go in loving people as Christ loved us. God help us to be kind.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. – Colossians 3:12

What Kind of MORE Do You Want in Life?

MORE. We all want more. More time. More money. More of whatever we desire but don’t have. It seems wired in us to want more. Yet, the incessant need for more contaminates our hearts and minds. It breeds discontentment, comparison, envy and a general dissatisfaction with the life we’ve been given.

The pursuit of more also makes us look at those who have what we want. We ask, “Why? Why them and not me?”

The whys often go in one direction–UP. Our eyes are on those who have or appear to have more than we do.

Because of my work with people in extreme difficulty, the why questions and my desire for MORE are confronted regularly. I’m forced to ask a different kind of why.

Why was I born in a wonderful nation and into a loving family? Why did I receive an excellent education when so many girls around the world have not? Why have I been healthy enough to work hard and make a living? Why do I have so much when others have so little?

When we ask these sobering questions, we realize how blessed we are. We realize our need for obtaining more for ourselves keeps us blind and lazy.

Instead of asking WHY, we need to ask WHAT.

  • What can I do to help more people?
  • What resources can I share with others?
  • What is God asking me to sacrifice for individuals who are suffering?
  • What can I do to love God and share His love with the world?

The problems I see on a daily basis are too much for me. They can be paralyzing. I don’t have enough to help everyone. Yet, I have something I can give and something I can do.

Let’s be people who ask what MORE we can give, do, be for others instead of what MORE we can hoard for ourselves. God has blessed us so much. Let’s go and bless the world around us TODAY.

3 Simple Questions to Ask Yourself in 2019

One of my favorite movies is Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve watched it every December since I was a teenager. For many years, it was a family tradition to watch this inspiring film on December 24th at an old-fashioned theater that sends you back to Hollywood’s Golden Age with its style and decor. Each year, viewers would give a round of applause at Jimmy Stewart’s first appearance onscreen and hiss when Potter first showed his angry face. It was magical to watch the film with so many other fans.

As the years go by and my annual viewing of this film still occurs even while overseas, I confess that I still cry every single time. Amidst the tears each year, this movie’s message challenges me to ask some key questions about the year that’s ending and the new year just beginning. Here are three of those questions:

1. What do you see? 

In George Bailey’s darkest moments, he couldn’t see his value or the blessings that surrounded him. He couldn’t see the friends and family devoted to him. As we start this new year, what are you focused on? Do you see the many blessings God has given you? Are you aware of your impact in the lives of others because of your sacrifices this last year? We will find what we are looking for. May we never forget to recognize our value and the many blessings we already have even when times are tough.

2. Are you asking for help when you need it? 

George Bailey was in trouble because of someone else’s mistake. Instead of going to family and friends for help, he tried to solve the problem on his own. He went to his archenemy for money and then considered ending his life when his first idea didn’t pan out. We don’t think straight when we are stressed and spent physically, emotionally and spiritually. Both of his ideas would’ve caused much harm.

If you are struggling, let this new year be the opportunity to ask for the help and support you need from friends and family you trust. There are safe people you can confess your struggles to, people who can offer wise counsel and support. Ask the Lord to show you who you can go to for help. We were created for community.

3. Are you loving and serving others for the right reason(s)? 

All too often we do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. I can’t know George Bailey’s motivations, but if we’ve been giving and giving and giving, it’s easy to grow tired. As we grow tired, we grow resentful.

Christians who are too busy serving others are prone to forget the gospel. We can be so busy helping the world that we run ourselves into the ground. Then, we get mad at ourselves, others and God when life doesn’t go as planned. We expect our acts of service and sacrifice to guarantee us the life we’ve always wanted. When this doesn’t happen, our thoughts and prayers can easily become: “God, I did x, y, z for you! You owe me BIG!” In so doing, we distort the gospel, forgetting grace by choosing a works-based religion.

If you are tired and frustrated by serving, perhaps it’s time to sit down with the Lord and revisit His grace and love for you personally. We do more harm to ourselves and others if we keep serving for the wrong reasons. God wants to demonstrate to you His love and grace once again, renewing you so you can bless others with His love and grace in this new year.

As we begin 2019, may each of us see better, ask for help more easily and serve others for the right reasons! Happy New Year!

When Satan Speaks French

In the few years that I’ve lived in France, I have found people to be patient and kind when foreigners try to speak French. More often than not, they are very encouraging when I speak and my accent is a source of “cuteness” instead of annoyance. However, one day a “messenger of Satan” (2 Cor. 12:7), as I teasingly call her, came into my life. It was a brief encounter, but she made her mark. She was the stereotype: ruthless with her precious language, expecting perfection from all. She, unfortunately for me, sat near the front of an anti-trafficking training that my colleague and I were leading. She took it upon herself to correct any mistake we made, policing any pronunciation that wasn’t just right. How’d she do this? Under her breath but loud enough for me to hear. The topic was already a difficult one to teach in English; it was even more complicated in another language. I tried to smile and just keep going, but this “messenger” messed with my head. Honestly, I think she meant well, but it was anything but helpful. 

Despite the best of intentions, people can become “messengers of Satan,” pushing our buttons where we are most vulnerable. They seem to have a sixth sense for where insecurities lie. I tease when I label them this way, but I think you understand what I’m talking about. They are the ones who know what is best and they don’t mind telling you how to improve your life whether you asked for their input or not. When these messengers come, we must wage war. The battle isn’t with the person, despite the desire we may have to slap them silly. The battle is with the insecurity that surfaces. It’s a fight against those thoughts that want to perpetually tell you: “You’ll never get it right (a.k.a. perfect)” or “You are stupid” or whatever else the lie might be for you. We must be ruthless with these thoughts, recognizing their toxicity and then putting them in their place—to death. They have no place in our lives and they really must go. 

While it is true in this scenario that I will never be perfect in French, I don’t have to be a casualty from this discouraging encounter. The reality is that I am improving each day. In some ways, she has done me a great favor. She highlighted where I need to let God do some more work in my heart. Thankfully, that’s where I find another layer of freedom for my life.

What is your “messenger of Satan” showing you about your insecurities? What is the lie you need to put to death today?

A “Teen Mom” & Shopping: Caring What People Think

My youngest sister was born when I was in high school. Along with the joy of having a cute baby around the house, I was assigned baby duty quite often. Sometimes I loved it and other times I was a normal teenager who wasn’t thrilled about baby-sitting for free. [My older self thinks, “Smart move, Mom & Dad! Teach your teens responsibility and get free help with childcare!”]

The thing I disliked the most wasn’t a baby hanging on my side or when she cried. It wasn’t even the dirty diapers. It was the whispers. When I went to the store with my baby sister, I got looks. It was clear enough we were related. Onlookers gave away their thoughts with a puzzled stare and the frown that came after. The judgement felt palpable. I wanted to defend myself and explain: “This isn’t my baby! It’s my sister! I’m a good kid!”

I never did.

Now that I’m older, I regret not having some fun with those who incorrectly assumed I was a teen mom. Sadly, I cared far too much about what people who had no importance in my life thought of me. I felt like I needed to defend myself. I did not. I wanted their approval even though it wouldn’t last. There would be someone else who’d walk by and judge me. I’d want their approval too, which would satisfy me until the next person came by and I needed theirs as well. Finding approval in what others think of you is one of the most exhausting pursuits. It will never be enough.

If I could go back in time, I would tell my teenage self to stop stressing about what people think. It’s not worth your time. In the future you’ll have harder battles to fight, ones that hit much closer to home. Start listening to the only voice that matters–God’s–for the approval that you’re designed to crave. Then I’d need to jump back to the present, look in the mirror and tell myself that I still need to stop stressing about what people think. His approval is the only remedy to the incessant need for people’s validation.

At the end of my life, only one voice will matter. Did I do what He wanted or did I do what others wanted? Did I find rest for my weary soul in His acceptance and love or did I run myself ragged pursuing the fickle love and acceptance of others? Life is different than back in high school, but the question still rings true: Whose voice am I listening to?

Social Media & Ugly Thoughts

I was on social media the other day and it happened. Again. I saw someone’s post and I was envious. You know, that “feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, quality or luck” (NOAD). Depending on the post, the thought process might be something like this: Why do they get that opportunity (or that relationship, possession, experience) and not me? Then, I look for judge-y reasons to put them down in my head: Oh, it’s only because they are related to so and so. Oh, they don’t deserve that because of this or that. If people knew how they behaved that one time when….

It’s embarrassing to confess these ugly thoughts and that they come too easily and too often. I am a competitive person, but I hide it most of the time. My competitive spirit comes out when my expectations in life aren’t “winning” and it appears someone else is “beating” me via social media. It’s nonsense when I step back, but it can easily be my knee-jerk thought process.

The truth is my life is not a competition with others. I’m on the path God has for me and I am called to be ME, not anyone else. When that ugly thought of comparison creeps in, I am learning, more slowly than I’d like to admit, to kill the competition with a prayer of joy and celebration. In other words, I am changing my thinking (another way of defining repentance), which then changes my reaction (evidence of repentance). “What a great opportunity! God, help them in this endeavor. Give them the strength and the grace to succeed. Bless them beyond their expectations.”

It takes a bit of warming up to celebrate the blessing you want that someone else receives. It’s downright hard in some cases. Why is it worth doing? Because this world needs Christians who deal with their envy instead of avoiding it. The world needs people willing to cheer others on, “rejoicing with those who rejoice” and praying for the success of others. For all the disadvantages of social media, it is one of the easiest avenues to practice this regularly. It can be a refining fire if we allow it to be.

How do you fight the comparison that social media can breed in your heart? Please share your best tools in the comments section.