Finding Joy In The Journey

You are here: Home / Archives for Freedom

The Reason Letting Go is Vital in Relationships

THE STORY

One Sunday afternoon, my father—a pastor at the time—came home from church and shared with the family some news about a beloved couple. 

They were leaving. 

The news crushed my family with a wave of disappointment and discouragement. There are people one may wish would leave the church and there are others one hope’s will never leave. This couple was the latter not the former. I immediately thought about all the ways their presence would be sorely missed. Then quickly, I thought of attendance numbers and how frustrating it is to lose such great people when we were finally on an upward swing of momentum. 

My father continued to share how a great job opportunity had presented itself, how it seemed like the right time to move for this couple. My mind was racing and my dad’s words left me flabbergasted. 

“Why didn’t he encourage them to stay? We need them here! Is this really God’s will when there is so much to be done in this city?” I thought to myself. 

I focused on the hole they would leave, not the benefits this new opportunity offered for them. My dad’s response to this obviously sad news left me amazed. How could he just let them go without trying to convince them to stay?

Love.

Love and care for his church family, concern for their wellbeing more than how it would impact his work, the church, and so on. My dad saw the good for those he loved despite the cost it would bring to him personally. 

THE LESSON

The much younger me wanted to control and keep everyone around, so that the church could flourish. I missed entirely the point of what the Church is and how real love works. Love lets them go when it is time. Love serves and gives continually even when the investment benefits others more than oneself.

THE CHALLENGE

This lesson applies far beyond the relationship of a pastor with a congregation. Even if ministry is not our vocation, life offers many opportunities to love others when it isn’t beneficial for us. We have the choice to either control or let go. Sadly, we use God’s name to wield power over people instead of seeing with His eyes and discerning what He is doing in the lives of others. We aren’t good at letting go; in other words, we aren’t good at loving others. 

THE QUESTION

Where do you need to love someone enough to let them go today? 

Why Listening to Your “Old” Music is Good for You

A REMINDER

While hanging out with a friend last week, music played quietly in the background. Suddenly, the fun, lively music was replaced with a sweet melody of worship (“Simplicity” by Rend Collective). Oh random shuffle and all its delights.

The specific song that softly began to play quickly transported me back to a season I would not care to revisit. Each word sung revived forgotten moments of tearful worship and honest words with God. 

Painful seasons do not come in a one-size-fits-all format. Even still, songs can mark these moments in our lives like altars of remembrance. They can act as anchors during the troubled times.

A DIFFICULT PRAYER

As the song continued to play, another memory revived itself. A few years ago, one line in particular had been annoying to me. 

“Lord, strip it all away ’til only You remain.” 

These words were too real, too raw to pray at one point in my life. I was not amused or enthused that these words were coming to life without my permission. I’d often skip that line and sing all the rest while thinking, “You’ve stripped enough, Lord. People who sing that line don’t know what they are asking!”

We pray difficult prayers in easy seasons without realizing the magnitude of the words we pray. “Take me deeper where my trust is without borders” (“Oceans” by Hillsong United). Are you sure that is your prayer? Deeper trust and greater endurance are most often the fruit of intense pain and serious pruning.

A GRATEFUL HEART

Yet, last week, something remarkable happened when I heard this memory-filled song. While the melody sent me back to days gone by, it also became a new altar of remembrance. I am no longer stuck in that painful season. What a relief to acknowledge that even though circumstances haven’t changed, I HAVE CHANGED! God pruned and there is new life, new growth coming forth. 

We are often ignorant of how far we’ve come until something triggers a memory of what once was. Since that sacred musical moment last week, I’ve been singing that song with joy and thanksgiving. “Suffering is never for nothing” as Elisabeth Elliot says. I can see it today and I hope you can see it in your own life as well. God is at work and we are not what we once were. Hallelujah. 

A CHALLENGE

When you have a free moment, why not select an old playlist or album and take a trip down memory lane. It might surprise you what you’ll discover.

Sometimes I’m Disappointed with Myself

CONFESSION

At times I grow weary and disappointed with myself. I envision where I’d like to be and dream of the person I long to become. I’m determined to succeed. I see the areas that need improvement, so I read, pray, reflect, and do everything I can to grow into the version of me that I desire to be.

The problem is growth takes so much longer than I’d like!

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

When I’m honest with myself, my expectations are a wee bit unrealistic. I see them for what they are when they are words written on paper.

  • I want the wisdom of someone in their 80’s but in my 30’s.
  • I want maturity and depth produced in the speed of a microwave instead of life’s slow cooker.
  • I want loads of experience without the trials and pain that often accompany it.
  • I want to be like pure gold without the heat of the refiner’s fire removing all the impurities. 

RELEASING CONTROL

When I notice the looming discouragement over my progress, I must recognize how easy it is to forget how much I’ve grown. I lose track of how much I’ve already learned. In the pursuit of the idol of “MORE, BETTER, BEST,” I step out of my role as a lump of clay in the Potter’s hands and try to mold myself with all the resources at my fingertips. I make a mess when I try to do it my own way, even when I have the best of intentions, even when I want to improve for godly reasons.

The lesson must be learned once again. I must surrender my lofty goals and unrealistic expectations. Relinquishing my attempts at perfection and my false assumptions about the “ideal Joy,” I can rejoice in the safety and the guidance of my Potter’s hands molding and making me. 

When I follow His lead, He can make growth happen so much faster than I ever could. He can also go at the perfect pace for this little stubborn human. Surrender brings peace and removes discouragement. Surrender reminds me of who I am and who He is. 

Today, I rejoice that I am a work in progress. How wonderful it is that the Potter knows how to perfectly mold and make me into what He desires. He has plenty of patience and grace for me; I need to have a bit for myself as well.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, we are often foolish to believe we can do many things on our own. The truth is we can’t. We are in desperate need of you in every aspect of our lives. Today, we surrender yet again. We are simply little lumps of clay. Mold us into what You desire and let it be for Your glory alone. Amen. 

The Bible Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself

Like many good Christians, I try to start my morning with a cup of coffee and scripture. Opening my Bible, I often linger in shorter portions of the Word for weeks at a time. Slowly, I read and reread the verses to allow it to soak into my soul. My competitive, read-as-much-as-I-can nature fights the slow reading of scripture, but it is vital for me to go at a turtle’s pace. I hear and see much better when I linger long in books, chapters and verses of the Bible.

Each morning, scripture is my dose of encouragement and rebuke. As much as scripture can bring hope and encouragement, it also makes me feel bad about myself. And it should. 

I desperately need the instructions and the strong teachings the Word provides.

Honestly, I am more like a pharisee than I would care to admit. I, too, can behave just as foolishly as many people in the Old Testament and the New. I am closer than I realize to the ugliness of the stories of sinners who veered from God’s plans and impulsively responded in regretful ways. Thankfully, my embarrassing mistakes and sins will not be on public display for centuries to come in the most sold book in history.

The Bible makes me feel bad about myself and it is good. It reveals how I need a savior, how I can’t survive without dependence on God. The Bible shows me where my identity is still in the wrong things (performance, approval, etc.) and not in Christ.

Without hearing and reading scripture, I think I am much better than I am. I misrepresent Christ in ways that hurt those around me and distort the beauty and hope of the Good News. When I open my Bible and allow the words to shine a light on the ugly in me, God changes me. 

The Bible makes me feel bad about myself and I’m so glad it does. 

What Kind of MORE Do You Want in Life?

MORE. We all want more. More time. More money. More of whatever we desire but don’t have. It seems wired in us to want more. Yet, the incessant need for more contaminates our hearts and minds. It breeds discontentment, comparison, envy and a general dissatisfaction with the life we’ve been given.

The pursuit of more also makes us look at those who have what we want. We ask, “Why? Why them and not me?”

The whys often go in one direction–UP. Our eyes are on those who have or appear to have more than we do.

Because of my work with people in extreme difficulty, the why questions and my desire for MORE are confronted regularly. I’m forced to ask a different kind of why.

Why was I born in a wonderful nation and into a loving family? Why did I receive an excellent education when so many girls around the world have not? Why have I been healthy enough to work hard and make a living? Why do I have so much when others have so little?

When we ask these sobering questions, we realize how blessed we are. We realize our need for obtaining more for ourselves keeps us blind and lazy.

Instead of asking WHY, we need to ask WHAT.

  • What can I do to help more people?
  • What resources can I share with others?
  • What is God asking me to sacrifice for individuals who are suffering?
  • What can I do to love God and share His love with the world?

The problems I see on a daily basis are too much for me. They can be paralyzing. I don’t have enough to help everyone. Yet, I have something I can give and something I can do.

Let’s be people who ask what MORE we can give, do, be for others instead of what MORE we can hoard for ourselves. God has blessed us so much. Let’s go and bless the world around us TODAY.

The Key to Overcoming Your Struggles

The start of this year has me thinking about goals and the gospel. I’m one of those weirdos who loves to assess what needs to change and sets goals for myself.

The problem is my knee-jerk strategy is to just try harder.

In most cases, this strategy is a form of insanity as the saying goes. I “do the same thing over and over, expecting different results.” It doesn’t work, no matter how hard I try.

Rather than listing off the silly ways I’ve tried harder and failed in my own journey, today’s blog post is about a few things I’ve learned over the years when targeting areas of struggle.

1. Start by admitting defeat. 

I, alone, am not enough to conquer my bad habits and sin patterns! If I simply try harder to stop a behavior, my heart does not change. Ultimately, this is the “bad news” of the gospel. I need a Savior to rescue me from…myself. Hallelujah. This “bad news” means we were never supposed to do this on our own! 

The beauty in admitting defeat (i.e. I can’t do this in my own strength) is the freedom that comes with it. This form of surrender puts the burden to “always get it right” off of me. It’s the opportunity to admit: “I can’t change all by myself. I need Jesus.” 

Suggestion:  Why not chat about an area you need to “admit defeat and embrace your need for Jesus” with a close friend or family member? There is power and freedom in sharing our struggles with those we can trust and those who also need Jesus! We are better when we grow together.

2. I must get to the root. 

When I accept my need for God, I free myself from playing the savior. I also create space to look deep inside and ask the hard questions. 

-Why do I go to __________ for comfort? 

-Why do I __________ when I’m angry or stressed?

-Why do I numb myself with __________ when I’ve had a bad day?

-Why do I reward myself with __________ when I think I deserve it?

Often the struggle has a deeper root than I realize. I act out because of loneliness, fear, rejection, anger, etc. It is much more challenging to change and find freedom without getting to the root of the issue. Praise God for the Holy Spirit. He is the “spirit of truth” (John 15:26) and will guide us toward repentance and grace.

Suggestion: Can’t spot the root of the struggle you want to conquer? Ask a close friend or a family member. Engage in an open dialogue where you allow someone else to ask you questions about your struggle. Processing with a trusted friend is a great way that God helps us grow!

3. Embrace grace. 

The good news of the gospel is that I am loved no matter what I’ve done or will do (even if you were raised in church and should know better). I am not my sin or my struggle. Trying harder doesn’t work because I’m relying on my own strength. However, embracing God’s grace is a powerful antidote to my “try harder” style of religion. As I embrace His grace and love, I receive the healing I need and the power to obey from a place of gratitude instead of a place of obligation. 

Suggestion: As you take steps to change and grow, allow God’s grace to free you from your performance-driven strategies. Chat regularly with a friend or family member about this area of struggle. Allow a friend to challenge your view of grace when you stumble AND when you don’t!

May each of us grow in grace this year and embrace the gospel message. There is more for us to see, experience and do this year. May we find more freedom in Christ than ever before! 

3 Simple Questions to Ask Yourself in 2019

One of my favorite movies is Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve watched it every December since I was a teenager. For many years, it was a family tradition to watch this inspiring film on December 24th at an old-fashioned theater that sends you back to Hollywood’s Golden Age with its style and decor. Each year, viewers would give a round of applause at Jimmy Stewart’s first appearance onscreen and hiss when Potter first showed his angry face. It was magical to watch the film with so many other fans.

As the years go by and my annual viewing of this film still occurs even while overseas, I confess that I still cry every single time. Amidst the tears each year, this movie’s message challenges me to ask some key questions about the year that’s ending and the new year just beginning. Here are three of those questions:

1. What do you see? 

In George Bailey’s darkest moments, he couldn’t see his value or the blessings that surrounded him. He couldn’t see the friends and family devoted to him. As we start this new year, what are you focused on? Do you see the many blessings God has given you? Are you aware of your impact in the lives of others because of your sacrifices this last year? We will find what we are looking for. May we never forget to recognize our value and the many blessings we already have even when times are tough.

2. Are you asking for help when you need it? 

George Bailey was in trouble because of someone else’s mistake. Instead of going to family and friends for help, he tried to solve the problem on his own. He went to his archenemy for money and then considered ending his life when his first idea didn’t pan out. We don’t think straight when we are stressed and spent physically, emotionally and spiritually. Both of his ideas would’ve caused much harm.

If you are struggling, let this new year be the opportunity to ask for the help and support you need from friends and family you trust. There are safe people you can confess your struggles to, people who can offer wise counsel and support. Ask the Lord to show you who you can go to for help. We were created for community.

3. Are you loving and serving others for the right reason(s)? 

All too often we do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. I can’t know George Bailey’s motivations, but if we’ve been giving and giving and giving, it’s easy to grow tired. As we grow tired, we grow resentful.

Christians who are too busy serving others are prone to forget the gospel. We can be so busy helping the world that we run ourselves into the ground. Then, we get mad at ourselves, others and God when life doesn’t go as planned. We expect our acts of service and sacrifice to guarantee us the life we’ve always wanted. When this doesn’t happen, our thoughts and prayers can easily become: “God, I did x, y, z for you! You owe me BIG!” In so doing, we distort the gospel, forgetting grace by choosing a works-based religion.

If you are tired and frustrated by serving, perhaps it’s time to sit down with the Lord and revisit His grace and love for you personally. We do more harm to ourselves and others if we keep serving for the wrong reasons. God wants to demonstrate to you His love and grace once again, renewing you so you can bless others with His love and grace in this new year.

As we begin 2019, may each of us see better, ask for help more easily and serve others for the right reasons! Happy New Year!

The Secret to Finding Joy: Sickness, Worry, & Gratitude

I was sick the last week and a half—the “doubled-over-in-pain, stick-close-to-the-toilet” type of sick. Miserable and frustrated, the bug lasted longer than I desired during an extra busy work week. Nothing about this scenario was convenient, not even the weight loss. 

Honestly, after several days of agony, worried thoughts began to plague my mind—What if this isn’t just a bug? What if something is really wrong? I was at a low point in my tummy woes. My mind felt scattered, my blood sugar was low and dehydration loomed. Coming to my senses, I drank a lot of water and finally sat before the Lord, consciously acknowledging the worries in my heart. Choosing to go to Him created a moment to listen and receive His peace. Joy and gratitude slowly replaced my fears and frustrations. 

Being in pain and modifying my responsibilities last week gifted me with time to reflect on what happens when life isn’t going the way we’d like. What joy means in daily life, not just in theory, is an important topic for us all. Is there ever a good time for life’s inconveniences or losses?

I firmly believe gratitude is one of the marks of a joy-filled life.  The challenge is when life is shoveling out heaps of unforeseen woes. How can we be grateful when circumstances stink? Thankfully, we can still choose gratitude. 

Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; a readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness” (New Oxford American Dictionary).  A healthy heart of gratitude does not ignore challenges or pain. However, gratitude does punch worry in the gut, weakening worry’s hold on our thoughts of the future, both the imaginary and the real.

This week, let’s slow down and take a moment to consider what isn’t going well, where we may be disappointed or frustrated. Give that list to the Lord and ask for His help. Listen for His words and receive the peace that we crave. Then, as part of this holy moment with God, may I suggest writing down or verbalizing in prayer the following three areas of gratitude? 

1. Gratitude for what WAS

We are blessed. Sometimes we experience loss before we realize how good we had it. We don’t realize how important our neck was until it is kinked and painful to move. We can and should express thankfulness for what we experienced in the past.

2. Gratitude for what IS 

Even as we walk through normal or abnormal frustrations and challenges, thanking God for our limits is a powerful act of surrender. Sometimes we are sick. Sometimes we have to ask for help. Even amidst the frustrations, there are hundreds of minor and major blessings in our lives, daily conveniences we take for granted. There is always good in every season. Even if it takes a bit more searching to find it, with our antenna up, we will find it. 

3. Gratitude for what WILL BE 

The best part of this life is that we have a future that is bright. If we know the Lord, this life is not the end! Heaven awaits. The best is yet to come. We can rejoice and give thanks for the future we’ve been promised and the joy of being with Him for eternity. It’s coming!!

As you face another day and another week filled with a wide gamut of life experiences, “may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13). And may you be spared from the horrible stomach bug I experienced!

What is one thing you are thankful for today? Share in the comment section below.

2 Compelling Promises for When the Holidays Aren’t So Happy

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” as the song goes, until it’s not. 

Whether there is an empty seat at the table, too much financial pressure, a family conflict, a job change, or a big move, life has a way of creating more drama during the holidays. 

At any time of year, we experience a mixture of bitter and sweet, but the holidays seem to accentuate the tartness of life. Tensions are high; expectations are even higher. The story unfolds for each individual uniquely, but the challenges are no less legitimate. Let’s remember that someone else’s intense pain does not mean you don’t have permission to face your own battles, to face your own pain. Stuffing the struggles down will not make them go away. If you do, you are ensuring an explosion or an implosion at a later date, probably detonating sooner than you’d like.

One of my favorite scriptures gives us two encouragements for when the holidays are hard. Don’t gloss over it because of its familiarity. 

Hebrews 13:5b says: “I will never leave you.” In other words, God is saying:

1. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I’m with you. You aren’t alone in the joy and in the pain. I am still here whether you feel me or not. I haven’t left you.” – God

Amidst it all, wherever you find yourself, in whatever season of celebration or struggle—He is here. One of my favorite names for God is Emmanuel because it means “God with us.” It’s a simple truth with a force that can change our perspective and bring comfort in the hardest of seasons. He wants to walk with you through this season, not simply help you avoid the pain.

Then Hebrews 13:5b continues: “Nor forsake you.” In other words, God is saying: 

2. “I’m not loosening my grip on you.” 

“I haven’t and I will not abandon you in your time of need—EVER. We are going together into every situation you face and I’m not going to make you handle this on your own.” – God 

Just before this promise, the writer of Hebrews challenges readers to avoid the love of money and to be content with what they have. If any season tempts us in these areas, it’s this time of year. The ads, the movies, the decorations, it’s everywhere! Our focus can be on consuming and accumulating too easily.

When you start thinking of all your have-nots this holiday season, remember His presence brings more than you could imagine. Today, can you take a few moments to ponder the gift of His constant presence in your life, specifically in your current circumstances? He gives freely and abundantly:

  • His immense, unchanging love for you—no matter how much of a brat you can be.
  • His peace that surpasses your understanding of the why’s of life—even though you are prone to anxious thoughts.
  • His joy that gives strength to face another day—no matter how many tears you’ve shed.
  • His compassion that brings comfort—especially on your worst days.

We may be missing something or someone this season, but my prayer is that your Emmanuel, God with YOU, will be your strong, peace-filled refuge. May you bask in the richness of His continual presence in your daily life and receive what He already promised. He will not to loosen His grip on you. 

You’re Not Strong Enough to Be Superman

I snuck into my parents’ bathroom and held my mom’s beautiful bottle of perfume. Holding the bottle close to my face, I could smell the lovely scent.

I had a great idea. I’d spray some perfume on myself. I wanted to be like a grown-up, like my mom. The problem was: 

Little five-year-old fingers aren’t so strong. 

Holding the bottle in my left hand, I put my right pointer finger on the nozzle. I tried with all my little finger’s might to press the spray pump. My poor little finger didn’t have enough strength. I tried again, this time with both pointer fingers. Still no luck. 

“The thumbs are stronger. I’ll try my thumbs,” I thought to myself. Hands awkwardly positioned, I managed to muster up enough strength to push the spray pump with both thumbs. The bottle released its lovely perfume…

Straight into my eyes. 

It burned so bad. I couldn’t see. “Mom, help me!” I cried out. She quickly saved the day, cleaning my perfumed face and resting a wet washcloth over my eyes. I laid on the couch for the rest of the evening with the wet cloth on my face.

How young does it start—the desire to do things on our own even when we shouldn’t? We don’t like to ask for help. I’m sure my mom would’ve let me have a little bit of her perfume, but I was embarrassed to ask for what I wanted and to admit I needed help to get it. 

Too often we don’t understand our limitations; we struggle to be self-aware enough to know we can’t do it all. We aren’t superman or superwoman. Plus, we are embarrassed to ask for help because it means we must admit our weakness. We’d prefer to hide at least some of our weaknesses from the world, even from those closest to us. We don’t want to be rejected. So, we rationalize why we should do things on our own and why others won’t be able to help us. 

In so doing, we attempt to play God. We succeed at being strong enough sometimes, fooling ourselves into continuing this charade. Other times, we get “sprayed in the face with perfume.” One of the many wonderful things about the gospel is that it sets us free to admit that we aren’t strong enough, smart enough, in control enough, perfect enough. However, there is Someone who is all of these things and much more. He is the One we can trust with our lives. We can ask Him for help. Then, when He nudges us to find help from someone else—a friend, coworker, or family member—we won’t be afraid to do it. We won’t have anything to prove. We can ask for help because we already know who we are, people full of limitations who belong to Jesus. 

In this busy holiday season, let’s get the help we need. By owning our limits, we will see God work in and through our weaknesses and through the help of others. Let’s accept it. Ask for it. Embrace it.