Finding Joy In The Journey

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You’re Not Strong Enough to Be Superman

I snuck into my parents’ bathroom and held my mom’s beautiful bottle of perfume. Holding the bottle close to my face, I could smell the lovely scent.

I had a great idea. I’d spray some perfume on myself. I wanted to be like a grown-up, like my mom. The problem was: 

Little five-year-old fingers aren’t so strong. 

Holding the bottle in my left hand, I put my right pointer finger on the nozzle. I tried with all my little finger’s might to press the spray pump. My poor little finger didn’t have enough strength. I tried again, this time with both pointer fingers. Still no luck. 

“The thumbs are stronger. I’ll try my thumbs,” I thought to myself. Hands awkwardly positioned, I managed to muster up enough strength to push the spray pump with both thumbs. The bottle released its lovely perfume…

Straight into my eyes. 

It burned so bad. I couldn’t see. “Mom, help me!” I cried out. She quickly saved the day, cleaning my perfumed face and resting a wet washcloth over my eyes. I laid on the couch for the rest of the evening with the wet cloth on my face.

How young does it start—the desire to do things on our own even when we shouldn’t? We don’t like to ask for help. I’m sure my mom would’ve let me have a little bit of her perfume, but I was embarrassed to ask for what I wanted and to admit I needed help to get it. 

Too often we don’t understand our limitations; we struggle to be self-aware enough to know we can’t do it all. We aren’t superman or superwoman. Plus, we are embarrassed to ask for help because it means we must admit our weakness. We’d prefer to hide at least some of our weaknesses from the world, even from those closest to us. We don’t want to be rejected. So, we rationalize why we should do things on our own and why others won’t be able to help us. 

In so doing, we attempt to play God. We succeed at being strong enough sometimes, fooling ourselves into continuing this charade. Other times, we get “sprayed in the face with perfume.” One of the many wonderful things about the gospel is that it sets us free to admit that we aren’t strong enough, smart enough, in control enough, perfect enough. However, there is Someone who is all of these things and much more. He is the One we can trust with our lives. We can ask Him for help. Then, when He nudges us to find help from someone else—a friend, coworker, or family member—we won’t be afraid to do it. We won’t have anything to prove. We can ask for help because we already know who we are, people full of limitations who belong to Jesus. 

In this busy holiday season, let’s get the help we need. By owning our limits, we will see God work in and through our weaknesses and through the help of others. Let’s accept it. Ask for it. Embrace it. 

Who Says it Doesn’t Rain in the Desert?

“Lots of people hate the desert. That’s because they are really afraid of it. They’re afraid of being left alone with themselves.” -Earle Stanley Gardner

I gripped tightly the camel I was riding. Up and down the hills we went, my hands clenching firmly on the descent, relaxing and repositioning on the ascent. Taking in the view, I found myself in awe of the beauty, the stillness, and the majesty of miles and miles of sandy hills. For the first time in my life, I was in the Sahara Desert.

I kept thinking, “This is nothing like the desert I’ve seen in the U.S. or in a Western film.” It reminded me more of the desert in Aladdin than the tumbleweeds of Death Valley. It was a bucket list adventure that changed the way I see the desert.

We all experience desert seasons. They force themselves into our homes with a loss of a loved one, a bad health report, an embarrassing failure, or a hope continually deferred. Pain and suffering are some of the most desolate places we experience in this life.

Other times a desert season welcomes itself into our lives when routines become too ordinary and life seems to stagnate. We are stuck. And God, in His grace, sends us to the desert. 

The desert is a lonesome place, full of challenges. We expect it to be barren and dry, but I was shocked that it rained during my visit. There was a refreshing peace and beauty in the solitude, away from city life. The desert is where the Creator wants to commune with you. He wants to speak like He did in the wilderness to Moses (Exodus 3:1). He wants to perform miracles in the wilderness like He did for His children long ago.

Perhaps we’ve missed how the desolate places and seasons can be exactly what we need to reconnect with God. We keep trying to find God in the familiar places when He wants to do something new. We’ve not realized that the desert holds more than just the struggle.

God is there and He wants to meet with you.

When Satan Speaks French

In the few years that I’ve lived in France, I have found people to be patient and kind when foreigners try to speak French. More often than not, they are very encouraging when I speak and my accent is a source of “cuteness” instead of annoyance. However, one day a “messenger of Satan” (2 Cor. 12:7), as I teasingly call her, came into my life. It was a brief encounter, but she made her mark. She was the stereotype: ruthless with her precious language, expecting perfection from all. She, unfortunately for me, sat near the front of an anti-trafficking training that my colleague and I were leading. She took it upon herself to correct any mistake we made, policing any pronunciation that wasn’t just right. How’d she do this? Under her breath but loud enough for me to hear. The topic was already a difficult one to teach in English; it was even more complicated in another language. I tried to smile and just keep going, but this “messenger” messed with my head. Honestly, I think she meant well, but it was anything but helpful. 

Despite the best of intentions, people can become “messengers of Satan,” pushing our buttons where we are most vulnerable. They seem to have a sixth sense for where insecurities lie. I tease when I label them this way, but I think you understand what I’m talking about. They are the ones who know what is best and they don’t mind telling you how to improve your life whether you asked for their input or not. When these messengers come, we must wage war. The battle isn’t with the person, despite the desire we may have to slap them silly. The battle is with the insecurity that surfaces. It’s a fight against those thoughts that want to perpetually tell you: “You’ll never get it right (a.k.a. perfect)” or “You are stupid” or whatever else the lie might be for you. We must be ruthless with these thoughts, recognizing their toxicity and then putting them in their place—to death. They have no place in our lives and they really must go. 

While it is true in this scenario that I will never be perfect in French, I don’t have to be a casualty from this discouraging encounter. The reality is that I am improving each day. In some ways, she has done me a great favor. She highlighted where I need to let God do some more work in my heart. Thankfully, that’s where I find another layer of freedom for my life.

What is your “messenger of Satan” showing you about your insecurities? What is the lie you need to put to death today?

A “Teen Mom” & Shopping: Caring What People Think

My youngest sister was born when I was in high school. Along with the joy of having a cute baby around the house, I was assigned baby duty quite often. Sometimes I loved it and other times I was a normal teenager who wasn’t thrilled about baby-sitting for free. [My older self thinks, “Smart move, Mom & Dad! Teach your teens responsibility and get free help with childcare!”]

The thing I disliked the most wasn’t a baby hanging on my side or when she cried. It wasn’t even the dirty diapers. It was the whispers. When I went to the store with my baby sister, I got looks. It was clear enough we were related. Onlookers gave away their thoughts with a puzzled stare and the frown that came after. The judgement felt palpable. I wanted to defend myself and explain: “This isn’t my baby! It’s my sister! I’m a good kid!”

I never did.

Now that I’m older, I regret not having some fun with those who incorrectly assumed I was a teen mom. Sadly, I cared far too much about what people who had no importance in my life thought of me. I felt like I needed to defend myself. I did not. I wanted their approval even though it wouldn’t last. There would be someone else who’d walk by and judge me. I’d want their approval too, which would satisfy me until the next person came by and I needed theirs as well. Finding approval in what others think of you is one of the most exhausting pursuits. It will never be enough.

If I could go back in time, I would tell my teenage self to stop stressing about what people think. It’s not worth your time. In the future you’ll have harder battles to fight, ones that hit much closer to home. Start listening to the only voice that matters–God’s–for the approval that you’re designed to crave. Then I’d need to jump back to the present, look in the mirror and tell myself that I still need to stop stressing about what people think. His approval is the only remedy to the incessant need for people’s validation.

At the end of my life, only one voice will matter. Did I do what He wanted or did I do what others wanted? Did I find rest for my weary soul in His acceptance and love or did I run myself ragged pursuing the fickle love and acceptance of others? Life is different than back in high school, but the question still rings true: Whose voice am I listening to?

Social Media & Ugly Thoughts

I was on social media the other day and it happened. Again. I saw someone’s post and I was envious. You know, that “feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, quality or luck” (NOAD). Depending on the post, the thought process might be something like this: Why do they get that opportunity (or that relationship, possession, experience) and not me? Then, I look for judge-y reasons to put them down in my head: Oh, it’s only because they are related to so and so. Oh, they don’t deserve that because of this or that. If people knew how they behaved that one time when….

It’s embarrassing to confess these ugly thoughts and that they come too easily and too often. I am a competitive person, but I hide it most of the time. My competitive spirit comes out when my expectations in life aren’t “winning” and it appears someone else is “beating” me via social media. It’s nonsense when I step back, but it can easily be my knee-jerk thought process.

The truth is my life is not a competition with others. I’m on the path God has for me and I am called to be ME, not anyone else. When that ugly thought of comparison creeps in, I am learning, more slowly than I’d like to admit, to kill the competition with a prayer of joy and celebration. In other words, I am changing my thinking (another way of defining repentance), which then changes my reaction (evidence of repentance). “What a great opportunity! God, help them in this endeavor. Give them the strength and the grace to succeed. Bless them beyond their expectations.”

It takes a bit of warming up to celebrate the blessing you want that someone else receives. It’s downright hard in some cases. Why is it worth doing? Because this world needs Christians who deal with their envy instead of avoiding it. The world needs people willing to cheer others on, “rejoicing with those who rejoice” and praying for the success of others. For all the disadvantages of social media, it is one of the easiest avenues to practice this regularly. It can be a refining fire if we allow it to be.

How do you fight the comparison that social media can breed in your heart? Please share your best tools in the comments section.

When “Waiting Patiently” is An Excuse

This post is for the person who has been waiting patiently. Before we go any further, I know there is balance, but some of us have been waiting patiently, too patiently. We’ve labeled it “waiting” when really we’ve been HIDING. We’ve been hoping life will magically roll out the red carpet for our dreams to come true. We’ve been hoping someone will find us and discover that hidden talent or skill set that we want the world to acknowledge and applaud. The problem is we’ve been so shy about it that not many (or does anyone?) know about this desire or gifting.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What has God called me to be and to do?
  • I can’t be a crazy person and push my way to the front, but am I developing the skill set for this goal, dream or calling?
  • Am I doing everything I can to be the very best at what I want to be, do, become in the current season I am in?

Sometimes our passivity is laziness. Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes it’s recusing ourselves from any responsibility for life. Sometimes it’s because of bad theology. Our relationship with God is a partnership. We do our part and He does His. His part is so much bigger than ours, but we have a part to play!

Most dreams are not fulfilled in a splitsecond like we’d like, but we can, each one of us, be working towards the God-size dreams we have in our hearts. Waiting is valuable and necessary. What are you doing as you wait for the right doors to open? Are you strengthening your “talent muscles,” growing in humility and integrity, practicing where possible, and increasing your knowledge and experience?

Burying your talent is the opposite of being faithful. Know what you are good at and accept the constructive feedback you receive. Cultivate the gifts you have even as you wait, but please do not hide and mistakenly call it “waiting.”

Bees, Camels & Monkeys: On Trying New Things

I don’t consider myself a very adventurous person. At times I am more aware of the internal struggle than what my life appears to be from the outside looking in. However, in the last six months I’ve hung out with bees, ridden a camel and fed wild monkeys! The truth is that every time I go somewhere new or try something different, there are little nerves that tag along.  Even when it’s something fun, even when it’s something I want to do, there is apprehension, nervousness, or a bit of fear. I don’t know what to expect and a part of me is a little bit scared.

I know I’m not the only one. New circumstances, opportunities, or challenges are scary for many of us.

Too often it’s easier to avoid these feelings and stick with what we know. We try to live in a safe little world we’ve created for ourselves. My life overseas doesn’t allow for this luxury. More recently, I’ve wondered if my life doesn’t allow for this type of prison. I am forced, sometimes propelled, into new opportunities to learn and grow. This newness factor in my life has become somewhat normal now, but the nerves still show up on the regular. Depending on the scenario, it’s because I don’t want to fail or make a mistake. I don’t want to look stupid. Yet, something about this life of new experiences has revealed a thing or two about these nerves, this fear. They are not as strong as I thought or felt they were. As I face my fear and do the new thing that I often don’t want to do, I find another layer of freedom in my life. God is so patient and gracious to give us such gifts. Today I know it’s best to keep going, in spite of the tension in my shoulders, the butterflies in my stomach, or the anxious thoughts. Keep going. More freedom is around the bend when I jump into a new experience. I recognize when the fear stirs, but I don’t let it lead. Thankfully, the more “new” I try, the faster I jump in. Freedom rings and fear falls each time I try something new.

What new experiences or opportunities are stirring up fear in your heart? Who will you allow to win the battle– freedom or fear?