Finding Joy In The Journey

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The Reason Letting Go is Vital in Relationships

THE STORY

One Sunday afternoon, my father—a pastor at the time—came home from church and shared with the family some news about a beloved couple. 

They were leaving. 

The news crushed my family with a wave of disappointment and discouragement. There are people one may wish would leave the church and there are others one hope’s will never leave. This couple was the latter not the former. I immediately thought about all the ways their presence would be sorely missed. Then quickly, I thought of attendance numbers and how frustrating it is to lose such great people when we were finally on an upward swing of momentum. 

My father continued to share how a great job opportunity had presented itself, how it seemed like the right time to move for this couple. My mind was racing and my dad’s words left me flabbergasted. 

“Why didn’t he encourage them to stay? We need them here! Is this really God’s will when there is so much to be done in this city?” I thought to myself. 

I focused on the hole they would leave, not the benefits this new opportunity offered for them. My dad’s response to this obviously sad news left me amazed. How could he just let them go without trying to convince them to stay?

Love.

Love and care for his church family, concern for their wellbeing more than how it would impact his work, the church, and so on. My dad saw the good for those he loved despite the cost it would bring to him personally. 

THE LESSON

The much younger me wanted to control and keep everyone around, so that the church could flourish. I missed entirely the point of what the Church is and how real love works. Love lets them go when it is time. Love serves and gives continually even when the investment benefits others more than oneself.

THE CHALLENGE

This lesson applies far beyond the relationship of a pastor with a congregation. Even if ministry is not our vocation, life offers many opportunities to love others when it isn’t beneficial for us. We have the choice to either control or let go. Sadly, we use God’s name to wield power over people instead of seeing with His eyes and discerning what He is doing in the lives of others. We aren’t good at letting go; in other words, we aren’t good at loving others. 

THE QUESTION

Where do you need to love someone enough to let them go today? 

Living Generously: A Story about Deodorant

CONTEXT : Deodorant is not the same in France. Effectiveness suffers in favor of protecting people from harmful ingredients. I’m a fan of protecting the people. My friends call me a bit of a hippie when it comes to the weird things I’ll use or eat to be “healthy.” Nonetheless, I want to smell nice, too.

A couple years ago I discovered a great natural option that works well for me, that isn’t a paste I have to rub on and that omits the harmful stuff. The problem is that it is hard to find here in France. I’m a planner by nature, so I get my stockpile in the U.S. whenever I’m home.

Last month, I listened to a fabulous sermon series on stewardship and generosity. The series was a great reinforcement for what I already do and a challenge to go beyond. At one point during the series, the pastor reminded his congregation (and me!) that ultimately ALL we have belongs to God. We are simply taking care of what He has entrusted to us.

CONFESSION: Cue a discussion about deodorant. 

I felt a nudge in my heart to give one of my precious deodorants to a friend. Immediately, my thoughts went like this:

“Will the others I stockpiled last me through the year? This one is my favorite scent. Do I really have to give it, God?” 

The reply I heard in my heart: “It’s not yours, Joy.”

Truth pierced through my stinginess. It’s a silly example of a profound principle. God generously gives in word and deed. I, too, am called to be like my Heavenly Father. When I see a need and He says to give, I am to give joyfully without hesitation because all I have is His anyway.

There are many areas of generosity that are much easier for me. I feel embarrassed to say that I hesitated with deodorant. Who does that?! God wants me to loosen my grip on what I think is mine and live like I trust my Father. Honestly, He takes care of me in spectacular ways. I’m often stunned by His goodness. Thankfully, He is also so gracious and so kind to show me in even the small, silly areas where I’m not living like Him.

QUESTION: Where do you need to loosen your grip on what is “yours” and live more generously?

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, help us to be like you today—stewarding well what you’ve placed in our hands and ready to give generously. It doesn’t matter how much we have in comparison to what others have. ALL we have is yours. Show us what to give, how to give, and to whom we should give this week. May your people be known as the most generous people on the planet, a people who are just like their Heavenly Father. Amen.  

One Thing Many Christians Forget Today

“You may be the only person to pay your student(s) a compliment all day, all week, all month!”

My mentor teacher passionately spoke these words to me in my first few months of teaching high school. She reminded me of this truth when I was struggling with some of my worst students all crammed into the same class period. I wanted to pluck out my eyes and pull out my hair because of how challenging some of them were. Yet, my mentor teacher believed with her whole heart that our words hold much power, especially for those tough cases in the classroom.

I have never forgotten her words.

As a new teacher, my standards were high, but my experience level was low. I wanted to be someone my students remembered as a positive influence and a fabulous teacher. The problem was that I knew so little about the young men and women in my classes. How could I know everything about more than 100 students filtering through my classroom each week? 

Despite my frustration with some of my most trying students, I pondered soberingly:

  • What was life like for them at home? 
  • Did they have friends, I mean, real friends? 
  • What were their struggles, insecurities, and doubts? 
  • Is anyone they know looking for ways to encourage them today?

I could search their grade point average on the school database and gauge their academic status, but that was rarely the most important information to help them flourish.

While this episode in my life was specific to my teaching position, it reaches far beyond the classroom. Are we, as Christians, adding or subtracting to the lives of people we encounter each day? Are we, as followers of Jesus, asking the same questions about the difficult people we know:

What is life like at home for them? Do they have friends, I mean, real friends? What are their struggles? Is anyone they know looking for ways to encourage them today?

We have a long way to go in loving people as Christ loved us. God help us to be kind.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. – Colossians 3:12

What Kind of MORE Do You Want in Life?

MORE. We all want more. More time. More money. More of whatever we desire but don’t have. It seems wired in us to want more. Yet, the incessant need for more contaminates our hearts and minds. It breeds discontentment, comparison, envy and a general dissatisfaction with the life we’ve been given.

The pursuit of more also makes us look at those who have what we want. We ask, “Why? Why them and not me?”

The whys often go in one direction–UP. Our eyes are on those who have or appear to have more than we do.

Because of my work with people in extreme difficulty, the why questions and my desire for MORE are confronted regularly. I’m forced to ask a different kind of why.

Why was I born in a wonderful nation and into a loving family? Why did I receive an excellent education when so many girls around the world have not? Why have I been healthy enough to work hard and make a living? Why do I have so much when others have so little?

When we ask these sobering questions, we realize how blessed we are. We realize our need for obtaining more for ourselves keeps us blind and lazy.

Instead of asking WHY, we need to ask WHAT.

  • What can I do to help more people?
  • What resources can I share with others?
  • What is God asking me to sacrifice for individuals who are suffering?
  • What can I do to love God and share His love with the world?

The problems I see on a daily basis are too much for me. They can be paralyzing. I don’t have enough to help everyone. Yet, I have something I can give and something I can do.

Let’s be people who ask what MORE we can give, do, be for others instead of what MORE we can hoard for ourselves. God has blessed us so much. Let’s go and bless the world around us TODAY.

3 Simple Questions to Ask Yourself in 2019

One of my favorite movies is Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve watched it every December since I was a teenager. For many years, it was a family tradition to watch this inspiring film on December 24th at an old-fashioned theater that sends you back to Hollywood’s Golden Age with its style and decor. Each year, viewers would give a round of applause at Jimmy Stewart’s first appearance onscreen and hiss when Potter first showed his angry face. It was magical to watch the film with so many other fans.

As the years go by and my annual viewing of this film still occurs even while overseas, I confess that I still cry every single time. Amidst the tears each year, this movie’s message challenges me to ask some key questions about the year that’s ending and the new year just beginning. Here are three of those questions:

1. What do you see? 

In George Bailey’s darkest moments, he couldn’t see his value or the blessings that surrounded him. He couldn’t see the friends and family devoted to him. As we start this new year, what are you focused on? Do you see the many blessings God has given you? Are you aware of your impact in the lives of others because of your sacrifices this last year? We will find what we are looking for. May we never forget to recognize our value and the many blessings we already have even when times are tough.

2. Are you asking for help when you need it? 

George Bailey was in trouble because of someone else’s mistake. Instead of going to family and friends for help, he tried to solve the problem on his own. He went to his archenemy for money and then considered ending his life when his first idea didn’t pan out. We don’t think straight when we are stressed and spent physically, emotionally and spiritually. Both of his ideas would’ve caused much harm.

If you are struggling, let this new year be the opportunity to ask for the help and support you need from friends and family you trust. There are safe people you can confess your struggles to, people who can offer wise counsel and support. Ask the Lord to show you who you can go to for help. We were created for community.

3. Are you loving and serving others for the right reason(s)? 

All too often we do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. I can’t know George Bailey’s motivations, but if we’ve been giving and giving and giving, it’s easy to grow tired. As we grow tired, we grow resentful.

Christians who are too busy serving others are prone to forget the gospel. We can be so busy helping the world that we run ourselves into the ground. Then, we get mad at ourselves, others and God when life doesn’t go as planned. We expect our acts of service and sacrifice to guarantee us the life we’ve always wanted. When this doesn’t happen, our thoughts and prayers can easily become: “God, I did x, y, z for you! You owe me BIG!” In so doing, we distort the gospel, forgetting grace by choosing a works-based religion.

If you are tired and frustrated by serving, perhaps it’s time to sit down with the Lord and revisit His grace and love for you personally. We do more harm to ourselves and others if we keep serving for the wrong reasons. God wants to demonstrate to you His love and grace once again, renewing you so you can bless others with His love and grace in this new year.

As we begin 2019, may each of us see better, ask for help more easily and serve others for the right reasons! Happy New Year!

So You Want to Support an Anti-Trafficking Organization…

I meet a lot of Christians who want to donate to organizations fighting against human-trafficking.

Having been around the block a few times, I want to give you a few good questions to ask an organization before you donate:

  1. Do they receive government funding? If the organization accepts government funding, it may impact their Christ-centered approach. Some of the organizations you know and love may not be as faith-based or Christ-centered as you think. If they do receive government funding, follow up with a question about whether there are restrictions this funding may impose on their Christ-centered approach.
  2. How much money goes to A) Awareness B) Prevention C) Intervention and rehabilitation of victims of human trafficking? Some organizations are focusing on awareness, which is great! It’s valuable work! It’s necessary! However, this type of work many not be the desired focus for your donation. If an organization isn’t willing to share where the money is going, I’d think twice before giving.
  3. What is the percentage of $$ allotted for administrative costs? Administrative costs are necessary. An organization can’t function without great admin and we shouldn’t fuss too much about this percentage. However, it’s good to know what amount is paying for the office to run vs. caring for victims/survivors.

I’m extremely biased*, but Project Rescue is a great organization for Christ-centered ministry to trafficking victims/survivors. Giving to Project Rescue, as well as supporting workers connected to PR who raise their support individually, would be a great choice. Are there other organizations you would recommend?

Cheers to you who give and support organizations doing this important work!

 

*Note: I work in partnership with Project Rescue.