Finding Joy In The Journey

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One Way to Avoid Communication Blunders

Confession: I did not communicate effectively in a meeting last week. At one point during a discussion, my words did not match my heart’s intent. What I thought I said in kindness came out awkward and off. 

The worst part is that I didn’t even realize it!

Thankfully, my co-leader pointed out this epic fail to me after the meeting. I thought explaining what I intended to say would help her understand how my words were meant to be positive not negative. Of course, I thought she needed the clarification to see how I was right. Another fail. My explanation only validated how I missed the mark in communicating with one of our interns. I was horrified. 

I quickly made amends for the poor communication. The intern was gracious with me and knew my heart was not to hurt or offend her. [Sigh of relief]

Yet, how often throughout my week does this happen without someone present to point out my blunders? 

Clear communication is a necessity and a challenge in day-to-day living. How people express themselves–their word choice, their tone and the filters both the speaker and listener have–can help or hurt effective communication. While we can’t control other people’s interpretation of our words, we can do a better job at presenting information clearly.

Why did I make such a blunder last week? To list a few reasons that are apparent to me in this moment:

  • I’ve been overworking.
  • I’ve been tired. 
  • I’ve been stressed.
  • I’ve needed more quiet time to notice what is going in my heart.
  • I’ve needed more time to listen to the Lord and hear His Words.

Communicating well, in my opinion, necessitates self-care. If we take care of ourselves, we can take better care of others around us. It’s part of the “love your neighbor as yourself” principle (Matt. 22:39). When we are in better shape emotionally, physically, and spiritually, our communication improves. We reflect Jesus better. It’s a simple truth with lasting impact on those around us.

My prayer is that we will take care of ourselves a bit better this week, so that we can wield our words with more grace and clarity. The world needs better Christians and better communicators! 

Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. -Psalm 141:3


The Secret to Finding Joy: Sickness, Worry, & Gratitude

I was sick the last week and a half—the “doubled-over-in-pain, stick-close-to-the-toilet” type of sick. Miserable and frustrated, the bug lasted longer than I desired during an extra busy work week. Nothing about this scenario was convenient, not even the weight loss. 

Honestly, after several days of agony, worried thoughts began to plague my mind—What if this isn’t just a bug? What if something is really wrong? I was at a low point in my tummy woes. My mind felt scattered, my blood sugar was low and dehydration loomed. Coming to my senses, I drank a lot of water and finally sat before the Lord, consciously acknowledging the worries in my heart. Choosing to go to Him created a moment to listen and receive His peace. Joy and gratitude slowly replaced my fears and frustrations. 

Being in pain and modifying my responsibilities last week gifted me with time to reflect on what happens when life isn’t going the way we’d like. What joy means in daily life, not just in theory, is an important topic for us all. Is there ever a good time for life’s inconveniences or losses?

I firmly believe gratitude is one of the marks of a joy-filled life.  The challenge is when life is shoveling out heaps of unforeseen woes. How can we be grateful when circumstances stink? Thankfully, we can still choose gratitude. 

Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; a readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness” (New Oxford American Dictionary).  A healthy heart of gratitude does not ignore challenges or pain. However, gratitude does punch worry in the gut, weakening worry’s hold on our thoughts of the future, both the imaginary and the real.

This week, let’s slow down and take a moment to consider what isn’t going well, where we may be disappointed or frustrated. Give that list to the Lord and ask for His help. Listen for His words and receive the peace that we crave. Then, as part of this holy moment with God, may I suggest writing down or verbalizing in prayer the following three areas of gratitude? 

1. Gratitude for what WAS

We are blessed. Sometimes we experience loss before we realize how good we had it. We don’t realize how important our neck was until it is kinked and painful to move. We can and should express thankfulness for what we experienced in the past.

2. Gratitude for what IS 

Even as we walk through normal or abnormal frustrations and challenges, thanking God for our limits is a powerful act of surrender. Sometimes we are sick. Sometimes we have to ask for help. Even amidst the frustrations, there are hundreds of minor and major blessings in our lives, daily conveniences we take for granted. There is always good in every season. Even if it takes a bit more searching to find it, with our antenna up, we will find it. 

3. Gratitude for what WILL BE 

The best part of this life is that we have a future that is bright. If we know the Lord, this life is not the end! Heaven awaits. The best is yet to come. We can rejoice and give thanks for the future we’ve been promised and the joy of being with Him for eternity. It’s coming!!

As you face another day and another week filled with a wide gamut of life experiences, “may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13). And may you be spared from the horrible stomach bug I experienced!

What is one thing you are thankful for today? Share in the comment section below.

Who Says it Doesn’t Rain in the Desert?

“Lots of people hate the desert. That’s because they are really afraid of it. They’re afraid of being left alone with themselves.” -Earle Stanley Gardner

I gripped tightly the camel I was riding. Up and down the hills we went, my hands clenching firmly on the descent, relaxing and repositioning on the ascent. Taking in the view, I found myself in awe of the beauty, the stillness, and the majesty of miles and miles of sandy hills. For the first time in my life, I was in the Sahara Desert.

I kept thinking, “This is nothing like the desert I’ve seen in the U.S. or in a Western film.” It reminded me more of the desert in Aladdin than the tumbleweeds of Death Valley. It was a bucket list adventure that changed the way I see the desert.

We all experience desert seasons. They force themselves into our homes with a loss of a loved one, a bad health report, an embarrassing failure, or a hope continually deferred. Pain and suffering are some of the most desolate places we experience in this life.

Other times a desert season welcomes itself into our lives when routines become too ordinary and life seems to stagnate. We are stuck. And God, in His grace, sends us to the desert. 

The desert is a lonesome place, full of challenges. We expect it to be barren and dry, but I was shocked that it rained during my visit. There was a refreshing peace and beauty in the solitude, away from city life. The desert is where the Creator wants to commune with you. He wants to speak like He did in the wilderness to Moses (Exodus 3:1). He wants to perform miracles in the wilderness like He did for His children long ago.

Perhaps we’ve missed how the desolate places and seasons can be exactly what we need to reconnect with God. We keep trying to find God in the familiar places when He wants to do something new. We’ve not realized that the desert holds more than just the struggle.

God is there and He wants to meet with you.

A “Teen Mom” & Shopping: Caring What People Think

My youngest sister was born when I was in high school. Along with the joy of having a cute baby around the house, I was assigned baby duty quite often. Sometimes I loved it and other times I was a normal teenager who wasn’t thrilled about baby-sitting for free. [My older self thinks, “Smart move, Mom & Dad! Teach your teens responsibility and get free help with childcare!”]

The thing I disliked the most wasn’t a baby hanging on my side or when she cried. It wasn’t even the dirty diapers. It was the whispers. When I went to the store with my baby sister, I got looks. It was clear enough we were related. Onlookers gave away their thoughts with a puzzled stare and the frown that came after. The judgement felt palpable. I wanted to defend myself and explain: “This isn’t my baby! It’s my sister! I’m a good kid!”

I never did.

Now that I’m older, I regret not having some fun with those who incorrectly assumed I was a teen mom. Sadly, I cared far too much about what people who had no importance in my life thought of me. I felt like I needed to defend myself. I did not. I wanted their approval even though it wouldn’t last. There would be someone else who’d walk by and judge me. I’d want their approval too, which would satisfy me until the next person came by and I needed theirs as well. Finding approval in what others think of you is one of the most exhausting pursuits. It will never be enough.

If I could go back in time, I would tell my teenage self to stop stressing about what people think. It’s not worth your time. In the future you’ll have harder battles to fight, ones that hit much closer to home. Start listening to the only voice that matters–God’s–for the approval that you’re designed to crave. Then I’d need to jump back to the present, look in the mirror and tell myself that I still need to stop stressing about what people think. His approval is the only remedy to the incessant need for people’s validation.

At the end of my life, only one voice will matter. Did I do what He wanted or did I do what others wanted? Did I find rest for my weary soul in His acceptance and love or did I run myself ragged pursuing the fickle love and acceptance of others? Life is different than back in high school, but the question still rings true: Whose voice am I listening to?

Rest for the Weary Heart

I’m not very good at relaxing. I’ve been prone to worry since I was very small and doing helped me avoid the torture of my harried thoughts. Oh boy do I have stories to tell. For much of my life even relaxing required some form of doing, which usually meant some form of learning. I couldn’t just veg and watch TV. I had to watch the Food Network or something educational that would teach me something. I needed to be productive, even during downtime. My mind was always moving. No wonder my body revolted in different seasons (another story for another blog post), demanding rest and time to recharge.

In the silence and stillness before God, I have found my first true dose of rest and relaxation. Better than a foot massage or a mani/pedi, I have found the rest my body, soul and spirit needs. In the quiet, my heart calms down and I hear God’s voice. I stop talking so much and start listening more. I’m loved and accepted. It isn’t easy because I want to do, do, do to feel valuable. Yet, He is at work when I am not. God is the one in charge. He has been speaking all along. I just didn’t know how to listen well. I’ve had all the longing in my heart to know Him more. I’ve had lots of willingness, determination, perseverance to try to know Him more without the understanding that it is in the resting and “relaxing” in His presence, not in sheer force, that I find Him. It’s taking a moment of silence, not constant activity, that brings me to know Him and His word more.

Are you taking time to quiet yourself before God? Are you resting in His presence? I want to encourage you to be silent before God for just a couple minutes today.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. -Psalm 62:5