Finding Joy In The Journey

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Living Generously: A Story about Deodorant

CONTEXT : Deodorant is not the same in France. Effectiveness suffers in favor of protecting people from harmful ingredients. I’m a fan of protecting the people. My friends call me a bit of a hippie when it comes to the weird things I’ll use or eat to be “healthy.” Nonetheless, I want to smell nice, too.

A couple years ago I discovered a great natural option that works well for me, that isn’t a paste I have to rub on and that omits the harmful stuff. The problem is that it is hard to find here in France. I’m a planner by nature, so I get my stockpile in the U.S. whenever I’m home.

Last month, I listened to a fabulous sermon series on stewardship and generosity. The series was a great reinforcement for what I already do and a challenge to go beyond. At one point during the series, the pastor reminded his congregation (and me!) that ultimately ALL we have belongs to God. We are simply taking care of what He has entrusted to us.

CONFESSION: Cue a discussion about deodorant. 

I felt a nudge in my heart to give one of my precious deodorants to a friend. Immediately, my thoughts went like this:

“Will the others I stockpiled last me through the year? This one is my favorite scent. Do I really have to give it, God?” 

The reply I heard in my heart: “It’s not yours, Joy.”

Truth pierced through my stinginess. It’s a silly example of a profound principle. God generously gives in word and deed. I, too, am called to be like my Heavenly Father. When I see a need and He says to give, I am to give joyfully without hesitation because all I have is His anyway.

There are many areas of generosity that are much easier for me. I feel embarrassed to say that I hesitated with deodorant. Who does that?! God wants me to loosen my grip on what I think is mine and live like I trust my Father. Honestly, He takes care of me in spectacular ways. I’m often stunned by His goodness. Thankfully, He is also so gracious and so kind to show me in even the small, silly areas where I’m not living like Him.

QUESTION: Where do you need to loosen your grip on what is “yours” and live more generously?

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, help us to be like you today—stewarding well what you’ve placed in our hands and ready to give generously. It doesn’t matter how much we have in comparison to what others have. ALL we have is yours. Show us what to give, how to give, and to whom we should give this week. May your people be known as the most generous people on the planet, a people who are just like their Heavenly Father. Amen.  

One Way to Avoid Communication Blunders

Confession: I did not communicate effectively in a meeting last week. At one point during a discussion, my words did not match my heart’s intent. What I thought I said in kindness came out awkward and off. 

The worst part is that I didn’t even realize it!

Thankfully, my co-leader pointed out this epic fail to me after the meeting. I thought explaining what I intended to say would help her understand how my words were meant to be positive not negative. Of course, I thought she needed the clarification to see how I was right. Another fail. My explanation only validated how I missed the mark in communicating with one of our interns. I was horrified. 

I quickly made amends for the poor communication. The intern was gracious with me and knew my heart was not to hurt or offend her. [Sigh of relief]

Yet, how often throughout my week does this happen without someone present to point out my blunders? 

Clear communication is a necessity and a challenge in day-to-day living. How people express themselves–their word choice, their tone and the filters both the speaker and listener have–can help or hurt effective communication. While we can’t control other people’s interpretation of our words, we can do a better job at presenting information clearly.

Why did I make such a blunder last week? To list a few reasons that are apparent to me in this moment:

  • I’ve been overworking.
  • I’ve been tired. 
  • I’ve been stressed.
  • I’ve needed more quiet time to notice what is going in my heart.
  • I’ve needed more time to listen to the Lord and hear His Words.

Communicating well, in my opinion, necessitates self-care. If we take care of ourselves, we can take better care of others around us. It’s part of the “love your neighbor as yourself” principle (Matt. 22:39). When we are in better shape emotionally, physically, and spiritually, our communication improves. We reflect Jesus better. It’s a simple truth with lasting impact on those around us.

My prayer is that we will take care of ourselves a bit better this week, so that we can wield our words with more grace and clarity. The world needs better Christians and better communicators! 

Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. -Psalm 141:3


3 Simple Questions to Ask Yourself in 2019

One of my favorite movies is Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve watched it every December since I was a teenager. For many years, it was a family tradition to watch this inspiring film on December 24th at an old-fashioned theater that sends you back to Hollywood’s Golden Age with its style and decor. Each year, viewers would give a round of applause at Jimmy Stewart’s first appearance onscreen and hiss when Potter first showed his angry face. It was magical to watch the film with so many other fans.

As the years go by and my annual viewing of this film still occurs even while overseas, I confess that I still cry every single time. Amidst the tears each year, this movie’s message challenges me to ask some key questions about the year that’s ending and the new year just beginning. Here are three of those questions:

1. What do you see? 

In George Bailey’s darkest moments, he couldn’t see his value or the blessings that surrounded him. He couldn’t see the friends and family devoted to him. As we start this new year, what are you focused on? Do you see the many blessings God has given you? Are you aware of your impact in the lives of others because of your sacrifices this last year? We will find what we are looking for. May we never forget to recognize our value and the many blessings we already have even when times are tough.

2. Are you asking for help when you need it? 

George Bailey was in trouble because of someone else’s mistake. Instead of going to family and friends for help, he tried to solve the problem on his own. He went to his archenemy for money and then considered ending his life when his first idea didn’t pan out. We don’t think straight when we are stressed and spent physically, emotionally and spiritually. Both of his ideas would’ve caused much harm.

If you are struggling, let this new year be the opportunity to ask for the help and support you need from friends and family you trust. There are safe people you can confess your struggles to, people who can offer wise counsel and support. Ask the Lord to show you who you can go to for help. We were created for community.

3. Are you loving and serving others for the right reason(s)? 

All too often we do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. I can’t know George Bailey’s motivations, but if we’ve been giving and giving and giving, it’s easy to grow tired. As we grow tired, we grow resentful.

Christians who are too busy serving others are prone to forget the gospel. We can be so busy helping the world that we run ourselves into the ground. Then, we get mad at ourselves, others and God when life doesn’t go as planned. We expect our acts of service and sacrifice to guarantee us the life we’ve always wanted. When this doesn’t happen, our thoughts and prayers can easily become: “God, I did x, y, z for you! You owe me BIG!” In so doing, we distort the gospel, forgetting grace by choosing a works-based religion.

If you are tired and frustrated by serving, perhaps it’s time to sit down with the Lord and revisit His grace and love for you personally. We do more harm to ourselves and others if we keep serving for the wrong reasons. God wants to demonstrate to you His love and grace once again, renewing you so you can bless others with His love and grace in this new year.

As we begin 2019, may each of us see better, ask for help more easily and serve others for the right reasons! Happy New Year!

What If God Gives You More Than You Can Handle?

The school bell rang. The students entered and quickly found their seats. I stood at the front of the class, fidgeting nervously in my “grown-up” clothes. I was smiling in an attempt to calm my nerves, which flashed the silver wire across my teeth. My retainer might as well have been a neon sign saying, “I’m way too young to be teaching.” It was my first day as a high school teacher. 

I was 19 years old.

Who hired this young, very green, brand spanking new teacher? A public high school in California, that’s who. 

In those early days of teaching, I was nervous, excited, aiming to please and wanting to make a difference. I dreamed of being a “movie worthy” teacher who helped her students achieve greatness. Those dreams were squelched quickly thanks to the computer program that created class schedules. I’m convinced there is a special algorithm for new teachers, one that will test his or her capacity and sanity with the toughest of classes.

I worked hard that semester. Some days were incredible and I was over the moon. Other days it seemed like torture and I felt my age. Some of my students were only two years younger than me. Oh the stories I have to tell!

I chuckle at the thought of a 19-year-old teaching high school now. I can’t believe I was hired, that I survived and that I continued to teach after that first semester. Some will say, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I am not sure that’s true. I often find myself in circumstances that seem much bigger than me and I feel once again the mix of emotions and questions that my 19-year-old self experienced long ago. Thankfully, the retainer is no longer a dead giveaway for my lack of experience in a new situation.

How did I survive my first semester of teaching? It helped that I kept showing up, but the main reason was God. He was so faithful through it all. 

One of the benefits of getting older is that the list of ways God has proven His faithfulness grows longer and longer. Despite my stubbornness and my sinfulness, He remains faithful. I’ve also discovered, unfortunately, that the stress and challenges don’t seem to go away with age; they seem to multiply. Yet, so does the evidence of how reliable, unwavering, steadfast God is. He was steadfast in my early days of teaching. He was unwavering when He nudged my heart to leave my career and study theology. He was faithful when He practically pushed me overseas to work with people I never thought I could serve adequately. God’s faithfulness is the reason we can face situations that are much more than we can handle. He is enough when we are not.

This season of giving thanks merits a moment to celebrate how constant, how gracious, how good, how faithful God has been. No matter what He keeps showing up. Despite our current highs or lows, He keeps on fighting for us, pursuing us, revealing His faithful love. 

Today, I choose to “bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth” (Psalm 34:1). 

Will you join me? How has God been faithful to you this year? 


Who Says it Doesn’t Rain in the Desert?

“Lots of people hate the desert. That’s because they are really afraid of it. They’re afraid of being left alone with themselves.” -Earle Stanley Gardner

I gripped tightly the camel I was riding. Up and down the hills we went, my hands clenching firmly on the descent, relaxing and repositioning on the ascent. Taking in the view, I found myself in awe of the beauty, the stillness, and the majesty of miles and miles of sandy hills. For the first time in my life, I was in the Sahara Desert.

I kept thinking, “This is nothing like the desert I’ve seen in the U.S. or in a Western film.” It reminded me more of the desert in Aladdin than the tumbleweeds of Death Valley. It was a bucket list adventure that changed the way I see the desert.

We all experience desert seasons. They force themselves into our homes with a loss of a loved one, a bad health report, an embarrassing failure, or a hope continually deferred. Pain and suffering are some of the most desolate places we experience in this life.

Other times a desert season welcomes itself into our lives when routines become too ordinary and life seems to stagnate. We are stuck. And God, in His grace, sends us to the desert. 

The desert is a lonesome place, full of challenges. We expect it to be barren and dry, but I was shocked that it rained during my visit. There was a refreshing peace and beauty in the solitude, away from city life. The desert is where the Creator wants to commune with you. He wants to speak like He did in the wilderness to Moses (Exodus 3:1). He wants to perform miracles in the wilderness like He did for His children long ago.

Perhaps we’ve missed how the desolate places and seasons can be exactly what we need to reconnect with God. We keep trying to find God in the familiar places when He wants to do something new. We’ve not realized that the desert holds more than just the struggle.

God is there and He wants to meet with you.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Under the covers, safe in my bed, I found it hard to sleep. The doors were locked, the lights turned off, and my roommate was away for several days. I had the house all to myself. For most of my adult life, this freedom would have been received joyfully. Yet, on the heels of tremendous loss, being alone at night had become a nightmare. I was a grown woman and I was afraid to be at home alone in the dark. I didn’t need someone next to me; I just needed the reassurance that someone else was in the house. The issue wasn’t as much about the darkness as it was about feeling completely and utterly alone. The night would remind me of the pain, of what I no longer had. The night’s reminders felt convincing enough: “See, Joy, it’s true. You are all alone.”

When I would try to sit before the Lord, it was difficult to hear anything. This “dark night of the soul,” as some would call it, was very, very dark. I kept going because that was all I could do. Slowly but surely, I began to hear in my heart the scripture:

“Never will I leave you or forsake you.”

It was only somewhat reassuring at first. Words that used to bring warm fuzzies to my heart seemed closer to an empty promise. Could I really count on God if He’d allowed all this loss to happen? The darkness of being alone felt stronger than these comforting words. This stormy season showed me that parts of my foundation were not “on the rock” (Matt. 7:25). Yet, I began to notice his “never will I leave you” ways pursuing me, restoring my foundation. I couldn’t deny how He was taking care of me in a manner beyond my control. He was there, even in the pain. Life and Jesus taught me that no matter what changed, I could never be alone because He was always there. Often it takes painful circumstances to let this truth settle deep into our hearts. It is a slow, often subtle, work to believe this truth to the core of our being. It’s easy to believe when we have what we want. It’s harder to believe when we don’t. When our foundation is on the rock, life’s circumstances won’t determine our ability to believe His words. Thanks to this painful season, I know more than ever before that I am not alone.

Neither are you, my friend, neither are you.

A “Teen Mom” & Shopping: Caring What People Think

My youngest sister was born when I was in high school. Along with the joy of having a cute baby around the house, I was assigned baby duty quite often. Sometimes I loved it and other times I was a normal teenager who wasn’t thrilled about baby-sitting for free. [My older self thinks, “Smart move, Mom & Dad! Teach your teens responsibility and get free help with childcare!”]

The thing I disliked the most wasn’t a baby hanging on my side or when she cried. It wasn’t even the dirty diapers. It was the whispers. When I went to the store with my baby sister, I got looks. It was clear enough we were related. Onlookers gave away their thoughts with a puzzled stare and the frown that came after. The judgement felt palpable. I wanted to defend myself and explain: “This isn’t my baby! It’s my sister! I’m a good kid!”

I never did.

Now that I’m older, I regret not having some fun with those who incorrectly assumed I was a teen mom. Sadly, I cared far too much about what people who had no importance in my life thought of me. I felt like I needed to defend myself. I did not. I wanted their approval even though it wouldn’t last. There would be someone else who’d walk by and judge me. I’d want their approval too, which would satisfy me until the next person came by and I needed theirs as well. Finding approval in what others think of you is one of the most exhausting pursuits. It will never be enough.

If I could go back in time, I would tell my teenage self to stop stressing about what people think. It’s not worth your time. In the future you’ll have harder battles to fight, ones that hit much closer to home. Start listening to the only voice that matters–God’s–for the approval that you’re designed to crave. Then I’d need to jump back to the present, look in the mirror and tell myself that I still need to stop stressing about what people think. His approval is the only remedy to the incessant need for people’s validation.

At the end of my life, only one voice will matter. Did I do what He wanted or did I do what others wanted? Did I find rest for my weary soul in His acceptance and love or did I run myself ragged pursuing the fickle love and acceptance of others? Life is different than back in high school, but the question still rings true: Whose voice am I listening to?

Bees, Camels & Monkeys: On Trying New Things

I don’t consider myself a very adventurous person. At times I am more aware of the internal struggle than what my life appears to be from the outside looking in. However, in the last six months I’ve hung out with bees, ridden a camel and fed wild monkeys! The truth is that every time I go somewhere new or try something different, there are little nerves that tag along.  Even when it’s something fun, even when it’s something I want to do, there is apprehension, nervousness, or a bit of fear. I don’t know what to expect and a part of me is a little bit scared.

I know I’m not the only one. New circumstances, opportunities, or challenges are scary for many of us.

Too often it’s easier to avoid these feelings and stick with what we know. We try to live in a safe little world we’ve created for ourselves. My life overseas doesn’t allow for this luxury. More recently, I’ve wondered if my life doesn’t allow for this type of prison. I am forced, sometimes propelled, into new opportunities to learn and grow. This newness factor in my life has become somewhat normal now, but the nerves still show up on the regular. Depending on the scenario, it’s because I don’t want to fail or make a mistake. I don’t want to look stupid. Yet, something about this life of new experiences has revealed a thing or two about these nerves, this fear. They are not as strong as I thought or felt they were. As I face my fear and do the new thing that I often don’t want to do, I find another layer of freedom in my life. God is so patient and gracious to give us such gifts. Today I know it’s best to keep going, in spite of the tension in my shoulders, the butterflies in my stomach, or the anxious thoughts. Keep going. More freedom is around the bend when I jump into a new experience. I recognize when the fear stirs, but I don’t let it lead. Thankfully, the more “new” I try, the faster I jump in. Freedom rings and fear falls each time I try something new.

What new experiences or opportunities are stirring up fear in your heart? Who will you allow to win the battle– freedom or fear?

Rest for the Weary Heart

I’m not very good at relaxing. I’ve been prone to worry since I was very small and doing helped me avoid the torture of my harried thoughts. Oh boy do I have stories to tell. For much of my life even relaxing required some form of doing, which usually meant some form of learning. I couldn’t just veg and watch TV. I had to watch the Food Network or something educational that would teach me something. I needed to be productive, even during downtime. My mind was always moving. No wonder my body revolted in different seasons (another story for another blog post), demanding rest and time to recharge.

In the silence and stillness before God, I have found my first true dose of rest and relaxation. Better than a foot massage or a mani/pedi, I have found the rest my body, soul and spirit needs. In the quiet, my heart calms down and I hear God’s voice. I stop talking so much and start listening more. I’m loved and accepted. It isn’t easy because I want to do, do, do to feel valuable. Yet, He is at work when I am not. God is the one in charge. He has been speaking all along. I just didn’t know how to listen well. I’ve had all the longing in my heart to know Him more. I’ve had lots of willingness, determination, perseverance to try to know Him more without the understanding that it is in the resting and “relaxing” in His presence, not in sheer force, that I find Him. It’s taking a moment of silence, not constant activity, that brings me to know Him and His word more.

Are you taking time to quiet yourself before God? Are you resting in His presence? I want to encourage you to be silent before God for just a couple minutes today.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. -Psalm 62:5

Why Stressful Circumstances Can Be a Gift

It occurred to me not too long ago that living in a new culture, learning a new language, adjusting to heaps of change has accelerated growth in me and been a gift beyond what I could’ve anticipated. First, it felt like a curse because it highlighted dysfunctional habits in my life. These habits were ingrained in me long before I stepped onto a plane to live overseas; however, they weren’t as visible to me until the most basic activities became overwhelming and uncomfortable. If you live in your country of birth, celebrate the fact that going to the post office is not stressful, that phone calls to make doctor’s appointments are not overwhelming, and that so many other normal tasks are business as usual for you! That was my reality until I arrived in a country where I couldn’t even express myself. All the pressures of making a new life overseas revealed fears, anxiety, insecurity, and frustration. This new life clearly showed me the dysfunction because the bad habits made life unbearable. Something had to change because I was torturing myself with these negative thoughts and toxic reactions. Once life becomes more uncomfortable than we can tolerate, we are ready to start walking the path to freedom. I’m still walking on this path and it has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve received.

Are you facing something new or unknown in this season? What areas of your life are stressful today? What “ugly” is coming to the surface? Rather than seeing the difficulty as a curse, choose to view it as an opportunity to allow God to heal and restore the broken area(s) of your life. Let Him begin His good work by first admitting there is a problem. That’s the first step.