Finding Joy In The Journey

The Key to Overcoming Your Struggles

The start of this year has me thinking about goals and the gospel. I’m one of those weirdos who loves to assess what needs to change and sets goals for myself.

The problem is my knee-jerk strategy is to just try harder.

In most cases, this strategy is a form of insanity as the saying goes. I “do the same thing over and over, expecting different results.” It doesn’t work, no matter how hard I try.

Rather than listing off the silly ways I’ve tried harder and failed in my own journey, today’s blog post is about a few things I’ve learned over the years when targeting areas of struggle.

1. Start by admitting defeat. 

I, alone, am not enough to conquer my bad habits and sin patterns! If I simply try harder to stop a behavior, my heart does not change. Ultimately, this is the “bad news” of the gospel. I need a Savior to rescue me from…myself. Hallelujah. This “bad news” means we were never supposed to do this on our own! 

The beauty in admitting defeat (i.e. I can’t do this in my own strength) is the freedom that comes with it. This form of surrender puts the burden to “always get it right” off of me. It’s the opportunity to admit: “I can’t change all by myself. I need Jesus.” 

Suggestion:  Why not chat about an area you need to “admit defeat and embrace your need for Jesus” with a close friend or family member? There is power and freedom in sharing our struggles with those we can trust and those who also need Jesus! We are better when we grow together.

2. I must get to the root. 

When I accept my need for God, I free myself from playing the savior. I also create space to look deep inside and ask the hard questions. 

-Why do I go to __________ for comfort? 

-Why do I __________ when I’m angry or stressed?

-Why do I numb myself with __________ when I’ve had a bad day?

-Why do I reward myself with __________ when I think I deserve it?

Often the struggle has a deeper root than I realize. I act out because of loneliness, fear, rejection, anger, etc. It is much more challenging to change and find freedom without getting to the root of the issue. Praise God for the Holy Spirit. He is the “spirit of truth” (John 15:26) and will guide us toward repentance and grace.

Suggestion: Can’t spot the root of the struggle you want to conquer? Ask a close friend or a family member. Engage in an open dialogue where you allow someone else to ask you questions about your struggle. Processing with a trusted friend is a great way that God helps us grow!

3. Embrace grace. 

The good news of the gospel is that I am loved no matter what I’ve done or will do (even if you were raised in church and should know better). I am not my sin or my struggle. Trying harder doesn’t work because I’m relying on my own strength. However, embracing God’s grace is a powerful antidote to my “try harder” style of religion. As I embrace His grace and love, I receive the healing I need and the power to obey from a place of gratitude instead of a place of obligation. 

Suggestion: As you take steps to change and grow, allow God’s grace to free you from your performance-driven strategies. Chat regularly with a friend or family member about this area of struggle. Allow a friend to challenge your view of grace when you stumble AND when you don’t!

May each of us grow in grace this year and embrace the gospel message. There is more for us to see, experience and do this year. May we find more freedom in Christ than ever before! 

3 Simple Questions to Ask Yourself in 2019

One of my favorite movies is Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve watched it every December since I was a teenager. For many years, it was a family tradition to watch this inspiring film on December 24th at an old-fashioned theater that sends you back to Hollywood’s Golden Age with its style and decor. Each year, viewers would give a round of applause at Jimmy Stewart’s first appearance onscreen and hiss when Potter first showed his angry face. It was magical to watch the film with so many other fans.

As the years go by and my annual viewing of this film still occurs even while overseas, I confess that I still cry every single time. Amidst the tears each year, this movie’s message challenges me to ask some key questions about the year that’s ending and the new year just beginning. Here are three of those questions:

1. What do you see? 

In George Bailey’s darkest moments, he couldn’t see his value or the blessings that surrounded him. He couldn’t see the friends and family devoted to him. As we start this new year, what are you focused on? Do you see the many blessings God has given you? Are you aware of your impact in the lives of others because of your sacrifices this last year? We will find what we are looking for. May we never forget to recognize our value and the many blessings we already have even when times are tough.

2. Are you asking for help when you need it? 

George Bailey was in trouble because of someone else’s mistake. Instead of going to family and friends for help, he tried to solve the problem on his own. He went to his archenemy for money and then considered ending his life when his first idea didn’t pan out. We don’t think straight when we are stressed and spent physically, emotionally and spiritually. Both of his ideas would’ve caused much harm.

If you are struggling, let this new year be the opportunity to ask for the help and support you need from friends and family you trust. There are safe people you can confess your struggles to, people who can offer wise counsel and support. Ask the Lord to show you who you can go to for help. We were created for community.

3. Are you loving and serving others for the right reason(s)? 

All too often we do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. I can’t know George Bailey’s motivations, but if we’ve been giving and giving and giving, it’s easy to grow tired. As we grow tired, we grow resentful.

Christians who are too busy serving others are prone to forget the gospel. We can be so busy helping the world that we run ourselves into the ground. Then, we get mad at ourselves, others and God when life doesn’t go as planned. We expect our acts of service and sacrifice to guarantee us the life we’ve always wanted. When this doesn’t happen, our thoughts and prayers can easily become: “God, I did x, y, z for you! You owe me BIG!” In so doing, we distort the gospel, forgetting grace by choosing a works-based religion.

If you are tired and frustrated by serving, perhaps it’s time to sit down with the Lord and revisit His grace and love for you personally. We do more harm to ourselves and others if we keep serving for the wrong reasons. God wants to demonstrate to you His love and grace once again, renewing you so you can bless others with His love and grace in this new year.

As we begin 2019, may each of us see better, ask for help more easily and serve others for the right reasons! Happy New Year!

The Secret to Finding Joy: Sickness, Worry, & Gratitude

I was sick the last week and a half—the “doubled-over-in-pain, stick-close-to-the-toilet” type of sick. Miserable and frustrated, the bug lasted longer than I desired during an extra busy work week. Nothing about this scenario was convenient, not even the weight loss. 

Honestly, after several days of agony, worried thoughts began to plague my mind—What if this isn’t just a bug? What if something is really wrong? I was at a low point in my tummy woes. My mind felt scattered, my blood sugar was low and dehydration loomed. Coming to my senses, I drank a lot of water and finally sat before the Lord, consciously acknowledging the worries in my heart. Choosing to go to Him created a moment to listen and receive His peace. Joy and gratitude slowly replaced my fears and frustrations. 

Being in pain and modifying my responsibilities last week gifted me with time to reflect on what happens when life isn’t going the way we’d like. What joy means in daily life, not just in theory, is an important topic for us all. Is there ever a good time for life’s inconveniences or losses?

I firmly believe gratitude is one of the marks of a joy-filled life.  The challenge is when life is shoveling out heaps of unforeseen woes. How can we be grateful when circumstances stink? Thankfully, we can still choose gratitude. 

Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; a readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness” (New Oxford American Dictionary).  A healthy heart of gratitude does not ignore challenges or pain. However, gratitude does punch worry in the gut, weakening worry’s hold on our thoughts of the future, both the imaginary and the real.

This week, let’s slow down and take a moment to consider what isn’t going well, where we may be disappointed or frustrated. Give that list to the Lord and ask for His help. Listen for His words and receive the peace that we crave. Then, as part of this holy moment with God, may I suggest writing down or verbalizing in prayer the following three areas of gratitude? 

1. Gratitude for what WAS

We are blessed. Sometimes we experience loss before we realize how good we had it. We don’t realize how important our neck was until it is kinked and painful to move. We can and should express thankfulness for what we experienced in the past.

2. Gratitude for what IS 

Even as we walk through normal or abnormal frustrations and challenges, thanking God for our limits is a powerful act of surrender. Sometimes we are sick. Sometimes we have to ask for help. Even amidst the frustrations, there are hundreds of minor and major blessings in our lives, daily conveniences we take for granted. There is always good in every season. Even if it takes a bit more searching to find it, with our antenna up, we will find it. 

3. Gratitude for what WILL BE 

The best part of this life is that we have a future that is bright. If we know the Lord, this life is not the end! Heaven awaits. The best is yet to come. We can rejoice and give thanks for the future we’ve been promised and the joy of being with Him for eternity. It’s coming!!

As you face another day and another week filled with a wide gamut of life experiences, “may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13). And may you be spared from the horrible stomach bug I experienced!

What is one thing you are thankful for today? Share in the comment section below.

2 Compelling Promises for When the Holidays Aren’t So Happy

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” as the song goes, until it’s not. 

Whether there is an empty seat at the table, too much financial pressure, a family conflict, a job change, or a big move, life has a way of creating more drama during the holidays. 

At any time of year, we experience a mixture of bitter and sweet, but the holidays seem to accentuate the tartness of life. Tensions are high; expectations are even higher. The story unfolds for each individual uniquely, but the challenges are no less legitimate. Let’s remember that someone else’s intense pain does not mean you don’t have permission to face your own battles, to face your own pain. Stuffing the struggles down will not make them go away. If you do, you are ensuring an explosion or an implosion at a later date, probably detonating sooner than you’d like.

One of my favorite scriptures gives us two encouragements for when the holidays are hard. Don’t gloss over it because of its familiarity. 

Hebrews 13:5b says: “I will never leave you.” In other words, God is saying:

1. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I’m with you. You aren’t alone in the joy and in the pain. I am still here whether you feel me or not. I haven’t left you.” – God

Amidst it all, wherever you find yourself, in whatever season of celebration or struggle—He is here. One of my favorite names for God is Emmanuel because it means “God with us.” It’s a simple truth with a force that can change our perspective and bring comfort in the hardest of seasons. He wants to walk with you through this season, not simply help you avoid the pain.

Then Hebrews 13:5b continues: “Nor forsake you.” In other words, God is saying: 

2. “I’m not loosening my grip on you.” 

“I haven’t and I will not abandon you in your time of need—EVER. We are going together into every situation you face and I’m not going to make you handle this on your own.” – God 

Just before this promise, the writer of Hebrews challenges readers to avoid the love of money and to be content with what they have. If any season tempts us in these areas, it’s this time of year. The ads, the movies, the decorations, it’s everywhere! Our focus can be on consuming and accumulating too easily.

When you start thinking of all your have-nots this holiday season, remember His presence brings more than you could imagine. Today, can you take a few moments to ponder the gift of His constant presence in your life, specifically in your current circumstances? He gives freely and abundantly:

  • His immense, unchanging love for you—no matter how much of a brat you can be.
  • His peace that surpasses your understanding of the why’s of life—even though you are prone to anxious thoughts.
  • His joy that gives strength to face another day—no matter how many tears you’ve shed.
  • His compassion that brings comfort—especially on your worst days.

We may be missing something or someone this season, but my prayer is that your Emmanuel, God with YOU, will be your strong, peace-filled refuge. May you bask in the richness of His continual presence in your daily life and receive what He already promised. He will not to loosen His grip on you. 

You’re Not Strong Enough to Be Superman

I snuck into my parents’ bathroom and held my mom’s beautiful bottle of perfume. Holding the bottle close to my face, I could smell the lovely scent.

I had a great idea. I’d spray some perfume on myself. I wanted to be like a grown-up, like my mom. The problem was: 

Little five-year-old fingers aren’t so strong. 

Holding the bottle in my left hand, I put my right pointer finger on the nozzle. I tried with all my little finger’s might to press the spray pump. My poor little finger didn’t have enough strength. I tried again, this time with both pointer fingers. Still no luck. 

“The thumbs are stronger. I’ll try my thumbs,” I thought to myself. Hands awkwardly positioned, I managed to muster up enough strength to push the spray pump with both thumbs. The bottle released its lovely perfume…

Straight into my eyes. 

It burned so bad. I couldn’t see. “Mom, help me!” I cried out. She quickly saved the day, cleaning my perfumed face and resting a wet washcloth over my eyes. I laid on the couch for the rest of the evening with the wet cloth on my face.

How young does it start—the desire to do things on our own even when we shouldn’t? We don’t like to ask for help. I’m sure my mom would’ve let me have a little bit of her perfume, but I was embarrassed to ask for what I wanted and to admit I needed help to get it. 

Too often we don’t understand our limitations; we struggle to be self-aware enough to know we can’t do it all. We aren’t superman or superwoman. Plus, we are embarrassed to ask for help because it means we must admit our weakness. We’d prefer to hide at least some of our weaknesses from the world, even from those closest to us. We don’t want to be rejected. So, we rationalize why we should do things on our own and why others won’t be able to help us. 

In so doing, we attempt to play God. We succeed at being strong enough sometimes, fooling ourselves into continuing this charade. Other times, we get “sprayed in the face with perfume.” One of the many wonderful things about the gospel is that it sets us free to admit that we aren’t strong enough, smart enough, in control enough, perfect enough. However, there is Someone who is all of these things and much more. He is the One we can trust with our lives. We can ask Him for help. Then, when He nudges us to find help from someone else—a friend, coworker, or family member—we won’t be afraid to do it. We won’t have anything to prove. We can ask for help because we already know who we are, people full of limitations who belong to Jesus. 

In this busy holiday season, let’s get the help we need. By owning our limits, we will see God work in and through our weaknesses and through the help of others. Let’s accept it. Ask for it. Embrace it. 

What If God Gives You More Than You Can Handle?

The school bell rang. The students entered and quickly found their seats. I stood at the front of the class, fidgeting nervously in my “grown-up” clothes. I was smiling in an attempt to calm my nerves, which flashed the silver wire across my teeth. My retainer might as well have been a neon sign saying, “I’m way too young to be teaching.” It was my first day as a high school teacher. 

I was 19 years old.

Who hired this young, very green, brand spanking new teacher? A public high school in California, that’s who. 

In those early days of teaching, I was nervous, excited, aiming to please and wanting to make a difference. I dreamed of being a “movie worthy” teacher who helped her students achieve greatness. Those dreams were squelched quickly thanks to the computer program that created class schedules. I’m convinced there is a special algorithm for new teachers, one that will test his or her capacity and sanity with the toughest of classes.

I worked hard that semester. Some days were incredible and I was over the moon. Other days it seemed like torture and I felt my age. Some of my students were only two years younger than me. Oh the stories I have to tell!

I chuckle at the thought of a 19-year-old teaching high school now. I can’t believe I was hired, that I survived and that I continued to teach after that first semester. Some will say, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I am not sure that’s true. I often find myself in circumstances that seem much bigger than me and I feel once again the mix of emotions and questions that my 19-year-old self experienced long ago. Thankfully, the retainer is no longer a dead giveaway for my lack of experience in a new situation.

How did I survive my first semester of teaching? It helped that I kept showing up, but the main reason was God. He was so faithful through it all. 

One of the benefits of getting older is that the list of ways God has proven His faithfulness grows longer and longer. Despite my stubbornness and my sinfulness, He remains faithful. I’ve also discovered, unfortunately, that the stress and challenges don’t seem to go away with age; they seem to multiply. Yet, so does the evidence of how reliable, unwavering, steadfast God is. He was steadfast in my early days of teaching. He was unwavering when He nudged my heart to leave my career and study theology. He was faithful when He practically pushed me overseas to work with people I never thought I could serve adequately. God’s faithfulness is the reason we can face situations that are much more than we can handle. He is enough when we are not.

This season of giving thanks merits a moment to celebrate how constant, how gracious, how good, how faithful God has been. No matter what He keeps showing up. Despite our current highs or lows, He keeps on fighting for us, pursuing us, revealing His faithful love. 

Today, I choose to “bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth” (Psalm 34:1). 

Will you join me? How has God been faithful to you this year? 


What the Church Gets Horribly Wrong about Singleness

“You are so cute, why are you still single?” 

I received this question countless times when I first was heading overseas and raising support in churches. While it was meant as a compliment, it gave me a complex. “Is something wrong with me? Why am I not married yet? 

There I was, trying to follow God no matter my relationship status, and each time the question arrived, there was an underlying message—you should already be married by now.  

Cuteness is not a guarantee for marriage, I suppose.

Fast forward a few years, I returned back home for a second round of support raising. This time there were less questions about marriage. Perhaps many already assumed that my “expiration date” had passed. There was a time or two, however, when I did get an exasperated person asking:

“Don’t you WANT to be married!?!” 

There was an assumption that I was running from marriage. My answer was always, “Yes. I’d LOVE to be married. I’m not sure, aside from my vocational choices, why I’m still…not.” 

We have expectations in the Church. Expectations that everyone will eventually marry. My dad used to say, “There is someone for everyone.” I’ve been questioning for a while now if that’s true, at least in the Church. I know far too many singles who haven’t found their someone yet. 

The older I get, the more I wonder about the Church’s message—spoken and unspoken—to singles. Are we, as the Church, teaching singles to THRIVE—to live and lead from a place of healthy singleness? 

 In his book, Emotionally Healthy Leader, Peter Scazzero rocked my world in his discussion on this topic. Before reading his book, I never put the words “healthy” and “singleness” together in a sentence. What does “healthy singleness” even mean? I don’t want to be single, so I don’t need a healthy singleness!

 To help us, we could rephrase the question like this: 

  • Are we teaching singles “not [to] over function…at the expense of living a healthy and balanced single life” (EHL 89)? 
  • Are we helping our single friends and family members see that a “key factor…in discovering God’s will…is the impact it will have on [his/her] ability to live a whole, rich, and healthy single life” (EHL 89)? 

Sometimes we say one thing and our actions say another. “Singles can do more for God” becomes an opportunity for churches to abuse singles and overwork them, while encouraging couples to foster a healthy marriage by taking time for themselves. We think about healthy marriages; we don’t often think of healthy singleness. No wonder why many singles are unhappy in the Church!

In this day and age when there are more singles than ever before in our culture, we need to do a better job at celebrating singleness, even if it isn’t the desired outcome most dream of. We need to be loving and serving singles by asking them:

  • Are you taking care of yourself—physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.? 
  • Are you fostering a healthy, intimate relationship with God?
  • It’s harder to stay connected to others who don’t live with you, how are your relationships with close family and friends?

Let’s commit, as the Church, to promote healthy marriages AND healthy singleness! 

Who Says it Doesn’t Rain in the Desert?

“Lots of people hate the desert. That’s because they are really afraid of it. They’re afraid of being left alone with themselves.” -Earle Stanley Gardner

I gripped tightly the camel I was riding. Up and down the hills we went, my hands clenching firmly on the descent, relaxing and repositioning on the ascent. Taking in the view, I found myself in awe of the beauty, the stillness, and the majesty of miles and miles of sandy hills. For the first time in my life, I was in the Sahara Desert.

I kept thinking, “This is nothing like the desert I’ve seen in the U.S. or in a Western film.” It reminded me more of the desert in Aladdin than the tumbleweeds of Death Valley. It was a bucket list adventure that changed the way I see the desert.

We all experience desert seasons. They force themselves into our homes with a loss of a loved one, a bad health report, an embarrassing failure, or a hope continually deferred. Pain and suffering are some of the most desolate places we experience in this life.

Other times a desert season welcomes itself into our lives when routines become too ordinary and life seems to stagnate. We are stuck. And God, in His grace, sends us to the desert. 

The desert is a lonesome place, full of challenges. We expect it to be barren and dry, but I was shocked that it rained during my visit. There was a refreshing peace and beauty in the solitude, away from city life. The desert is where the Creator wants to commune with you. He wants to speak like He did in the wilderness to Moses (Exodus 3:1). He wants to perform miracles in the wilderness like He did for His children long ago.

Perhaps we’ve missed how the desolate places and seasons can be exactly what we need to reconnect with God. We keep trying to find God in the familiar places when He wants to do something new. We’ve not realized that the desert holds more than just the struggle.

God is there and He wants to meet with you.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Under the covers, safe in my bed, I found it hard to sleep. The doors were locked, the lights turned off, and my roommate was away for several days. I had the house all to myself. For most of my adult life, this freedom would have been received joyfully. Yet, on the heels of tremendous loss, being alone at night had become a nightmare. I was a grown woman and I was afraid to be at home alone in the dark. I didn’t need someone next to me; I just needed the reassurance that someone else was in the house. The issue wasn’t as much about the darkness as it was about feeling completely and utterly alone. The night would remind me of the pain, of what I no longer had. The night’s reminders felt convincing enough: “See, Joy, it’s true. You are all alone.”

When I would try to sit before the Lord, it was difficult to hear anything. This “dark night of the soul,” as some would call it, was very, very dark. I kept going because that was all I could do. Slowly but surely, I began to hear in my heart the scripture:

“Never will I leave you or forsake you.”

It was only somewhat reassuring at first. Words that used to bring warm fuzzies to my heart seemed closer to an empty promise. Could I really count on God if He’d allowed all this loss to happen? The darkness of being alone felt stronger than these comforting words. This stormy season showed me that parts of my foundation were not “on the rock” (Matt. 7:25). Yet, I began to notice his “never will I leave you” ways pursuing me, restoring my foundation. I couldn’t deny how He was taking care of me in a manner beyond my control. He was there, even in the pain. Life and Jesus taught me that no matter what changed, I could never be alone because He was always there. Often it takes painful circumstances to let this truth settle deep into our hearts. It is a slow, often subtle, work to believe this truth to the core of our being. It’s easy to believe when we have what we want. It’s harder to believe when we don’t. When our foundation is on the rock, life’s circumstances won’t determine our ability to believe His words. Thanks to this painful season, I know more than ever before that I am not alone.

Neither are you, my friend, neither are you.

When Satan Speaks French

In the few years that I’ve lived in France, I have found people to be patient and kind when foreigners try to speak French. More often than not, they are very encouraging when I speak and my accent is a source of “cuteness” instead of annoyance. However, one day a “messenger of Satan” (2 Cor. 12:7), as I teasingly call her, came into my life. It was a brief encounter, but she made her mark. She was the stereotype: ruthless with her precious language, expecting perfection from all. She, unfortunately for me, sat near the front of an anti-trafficking training that my colleague and I were leading. She took it upon herself to correct any mistake we made, policing any pronunciation that wasn’t just right. How’d she do this? Under her breath but loud enough for me to hear. The topic was already a difficult one to teach in English; it was even more complicated in another language. I tried to smile and just keep going, but this “messenger” messed with my head. Honestly, I think she meant well, but it was anything but helpful. 

Despite the best of intentions, people can become “messengers of Satan,” pushing our buttons where we are most vulnerable. They seem to have a sixth sense for where insecurities lie. I tease when I label them this way, but I think you understand what I’m talking about. They are the ones who know what is best and they don’t mind telling you how to improve your life whether you asked for their input or not. When these messengers come, we must wage war. The battle isn’t with the person, despite the desire we may have to slap them silly. The battle is with the insecurity that surfaces. It’s a fight against those thoughts that want to perpetually tell you: “You’ll never get it right (a.k.a. perfect)” or “You are stupid” or whatever else the lie might be for you. We must be ruthless with these thoughts, recognizing their toxicity and then putting them in their place—to death. They have no place in our lives and they really must go. 

While it is true in this scenario that I will never be perfect in French, I don’t have to be a casualty from this discouraging encounter. The reality is that I am improving each day. In some ways, she has done me a great favor. She highlighted where I need to let God do some more work in my heart. Thankfully, that’s where I find another layer of freedom for my life.

What is your “messenger of Satan” showing you about your insecurities? What is the lie you need to put to death today?