Finding Joy In The Journey

2 Compelling Promises for When the Holidays Aren’t So Happy

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” as the song goes, until it’s not. 

Whether there is an empty seat at the table, too much financial pressure, a family conflict, a job change, or a big move, life has a way of creating more drama during the holidays. 

At any time of year, we experience a mixture of bitter and sweet, but the holidays seem to accentuate the tartness of life. Tensions are high; expectations are even higher. The story unfolds for each individual uniquely, but the challenges are no less legitimate. Let’s remember that someone else’s intense pain does not mean you don’t have permission to face your own battles, to face your own pain. Stuffing the struggles down will not make them go away. If you do, you are ensuring an explosion or an implosion at a later date, probably detonating sooner than you’d like.

One of my favorite scriptures gives us two encouragements for when the holidays are hard. Don’t gloss over it because of its familiarity. 

Hebrews 13:5b says: “I will never leave you.” In other words, God is saying:

1. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I’m with you. You aren’t alone in the joy and in the pain. I am still here whether you feel me or not. I haven’t left you.” – God

Amidst it all, wherever you find yourself, in whatever season of celebration or struggle—He is here. One of my favorite names for God is Emmanuel because it means “God with us.” It’s a simple truth with a force that can change our perspective and bring comfort in the hardest of seasons. He wants to walk with you through this season, not simply help you avoid the pain.

Then Hebrews 13:5b continues: “Nor forsake you.” In other words, God is saying: 

2. “I’m not loosening my grip on you.” 

“I haven’t and I will not abandon you in your time of need—EVER. We are going together into every situation you face and I’m not going to make you handle this on your own.” – God 

Just before this promise, the writer of Hebrews challenges readers to avoid the love of money and to be content with what they have. If any season tempts us in these areas, it’s this time of year. The ads, the movies, the decorations, it’s everywhere! Our focus can be on consuming and accumulating too easily.

When you start thinking of all your have-nots this holiday season, remember His presence brings more than you could imagine. Today, can you take a few moments to ponder the gift of His constant presence in your life, specifically in your current circumstances? He gives freely and abundantly:

  • His immense, unchanging love for you—no matter how much of a brat you can be.
  • His peace that surpasses your understanding of the why’s of life—even though you are prone to anxious thoughts.
  • His joy that gives strength to face another day—no matter how many tears you’ve shed.
  • His compassion that brings comfort—especially on your worst days.

We may be missing something or someone this season, but my prayer is that your Emmanuel, God with YOU, will be your strong, peace-filled refuge. May you bask in the richness of His continual presence in your daily life and receive what He already promised. He will not to loosen His grip on you. 

You’re Not Strong Enough to Be Superman

I snuck into my parents’ bathroom and held my mom’s beautiful bottle of perfume. Holding the bottle close to my face, I could smell the lovely scent.

I had a great idea. I’d spray some perfume on myself. I wanted to be like a grown-up, like my mom. The problem was: 

Little five-year-old fingers aren’t so strong. 

Holding the bottle in my left hand, I put my right pointer finger on the nozzle. I tried with all my little finger’s might to press the spray pump. My poor little finger didn’t have enough strength. I tried again, this time with both pointer fingers. Still no luck. 

“The thumbs are stronger. I’ll try my thumbs,” I thought to myself. Hands awkwardly positioned, I managed to muster up enough strength to push the spray pump with both thumbs. The bottle released its lovely perfume…

Straight into my eyes. 

It burned so bad. I couldn’t see. “Mom, help me!” I cried out. She quickly saved the day, cleaning my perfumed face and resting a wet washcloth over my eyes. I laid on the couch for the rest of the evening with the wet cloth on my face.

How young does it start—the desire to do things on our own even when we shouldn’t? We don’t like to ask for help. I’m sure my mom would’ve let me have a little bit of her perfume, but I was embarrassed to ask for what I wanted and to admit I needed help to get it. 

Too often we don’t understand our limitations; we struggle to be self-aware enough to know we can’t do it all. We aren’t superman or superwoman. Plus, we are embarrassed to ask for help because it means we must admit our weakness. We’d prefer to hide at least some of our weaknesses from the world, even from those closest to us. We don’t want to be rejected. So, we rationalize why we should do things on our own and why others won’t be able to help us. 

In so doing, we attempt to play God. We succeed at being strong enough sometimes, fooling ourselves into continuing this charade. Other times, we get “sprayed in the face with perfume.” One of the many wonderful things about the gospel is that it sets us free to admit that we aren’t strong enough, smart enough, in control enough, perfect enough. However, there is Someone who is all of these things and much more. He is the One we can trust with our lives. We can ask Him for help. Then, when He nudges us to find help from someone else—a friend, coworker, or family member—we won’t be afraid to do it. We won’t have anything to prove. We can ask for help because we already know who we are, people full of limitations who belong to Jesus. 

In this busy holiday season, let’s get the help we need. By owning our limits, we will see God work in and through our weaknesses and through the help of others. Let’s accept it. Ask for it. Embrace it. 

What If God Gives You More Than You Can Handle?

The school bell rang. The students entered and quickly found their seats. I stood at the front of the class, fidgeting nervously in my “grown-up” clothes. I was smiling in an attempt to calm my nerves, which flashed the silver wire across my teeth. My retainer might as well have been a neon sign saying, “I’m way too young to be teaching.” It was my first day as a high school teacher. 

I was 19 years old.

Who hired this young, very green, brand spanking new teacher? A public high school in California, that’s who. 

In those early days of teaching, I was nervous, excited, aiming to please and wanting to make a difference. I dreamed of being a “movie worthy” teacher who helped her students achieve greatness. Those dreams were squelched quickly thanks to the computer program that created class schedules. I’m convinced there is a special algorithm for new teachers, one that will test his or her capacity and sanity with the toughest of classes.

I worked hard that semester. Some days were incredible and I was over the moon. Other days it seemed like torture and I felt my age. Some of my students were only two years younger than me. Oh the stories I have to tell!

I chuckle at the thought of a 19-year-old teaching high school now. I can’t believe I was hired, that I survived and that I continued to teach after that first semester. Some will say, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I am not sure that’s true. I often find myself in circumstances that seem much bigger than me and I feel once again the mix of emotions and questions that my 19-year-old self experienced long ago. Thankfully, the retainer is no longer a dead giveaway for my lack of experience in a new situation.

How did I survive my first semester of teaching? It helped that I kept showing up, but the main reason was God. He was so faithful through it all. 

One of the benefits of getting older is that the list of ways God has proven His faithfulness grows longer and longer. Despite my stubbornness and my sinfulness, He remains faithful. I’ve also discovered, unfortunately, that the stress and challenges don’t seem to go away with age; they seem to multiply. Yet, so does the evidence of how reliable, unwavering, steadfast God is. He was steadfast in my early days of teaching. He was unwavering when He nudged my heart to leave my career and study theology. He was faithful when He practically pushed me overseas to work with people I never thought I could serve adequately. God’s faithfulness is the reason we can face situations that are much more than we can handle. He is enough when we are not.

This season of giving thanks merits a moment to celebrate how constant, how gracious, how good, how faithful God has been. No matter what He keeps showing up. Despite our current highs or lows, He keeps on fighting for us, pursuing us, revealing His faithful love. 

Today, I choose to “bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth” (Psalm 34:1). 

Will you join me? How has God been faithful to you this year? 


What the Church Gets Horribly Wrong about Singleness

“You are so cute, why are you still single?” 

I received this question countless times when I first was heading overseas and raising support in churches. While it was meant as a compliment, it gave me a complex. “Is something wrong with me? Why am I not married yet? 

There I was, trying to follow God no matter my relationship status, and each time the question arrived, there was an underlying message—you should already be married by now.  

Cuteness is not a guarantee for marriage, I suppose.

Fast forward a few years, I returned back home for a second round of support raising. This time there were less questions about marriage. Perhaps many already assumed that my “expiration date” had passed. There was a time or two, however, when I did get an exasperated person asking:

“Don’t you WANT to be married!?!” 

There was an assumption that I was running from marriage. My answer was always, “Yes. I’d LOVE to be married. I’m not sure, aside from my vocational choices, why I’m still…not.” 

We have expectations in the Church. Expectations that everyone will eventually marry. My dad used to say, “There is someone for everyone.” I’ve been questioning for a while now if that’s true, at least in the Church. I know far too many singles who haven’t found their someone yet. 

The older I get, the more I wonder about the Church’s message—spoken and unspoken—to singles. Are we, as the Church, teaching singles to THRIVE—to live and lead from a place of healthy singleness? 

 In his book, Emotionally Healthy Leader, Peter Scazzero rocked my world in his discussion on this topic. Before reading his book, I never put the words “healthy” and “singleness” together in a sentence. What does “healthy singleness” even mean? I don’t want to be single, so I don’t need a healthy singleness!

 To help us, we could rephrase the question like this: 

  • Are we teaching singles “not [to] over function…at the expense of living a healthy and balanced single life” (EHL 89)? 
  • Are we helping our single friends and family members see that a “key factor…in discovering God’s will…is the impact it will have on [his/her] ability to live a whole, rich, and healthy single life” (EHL 89)? 

Sometimes we say one thing and our actions say another. “Singles can do more for God” becomes an opportunity for churches to abuse singles and overwork them, while encouraging couples to foster a healthy marriage by taking time for themselves. We think about healthy marriages; we don’t often think of healthy singleness. No wonder why many singles are unhappy in the Church!

In this day and age when there are more singles than ever before in our culture, we need to do a better job at celebrating singleness, even if it isn’t the desired outcome most dream of. We need to be loving and serving singles by asking them:

  • Are you taking care of yourself—physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.? 
  • Are you fostering a healthy, intimate relationship with God?
  • It’s harder to stay connected to others who don’t live with you, how are your relationships with close family and friends?

Let’s commit, as the Church, to promote healthy marriages AND healthy singleness! 

Who Says it Doesn’t Rain in the Desert?

“Lots of people hate the desert. That’s because they are really afraid of it. They’re afraid of being left alone with themselves.” -Earle Stanley Gardner

I gripped tightly the camel I was riding. Up and down the hills we went, my hands clenching firmly on the descent, relaxing and repositioning on the ascent. Taking in the view, I found myself in awe of the beauty, the stillness, and the majesty of miles and miles of sandy hills. For the first time in my life, I was in the Sahara Desert.

I kept thinking, “This is nothing like the desert I’ve seen in the U.S. or in a Western film.” It reminded me more of the desert in Aladdin than the tumbleweeds of Death Valley. It was a bucket list adventure that changed the way I see the desert.

We all experience desert seasons. They force themselves into our homes with a loss of a loved one, a bad health report, an embarrassing failure, or a hope continually deferred. Pain and suffering are some of the most desolate places we experience in this life.

Other times a desert season welcomes itself into our lives when routines become too ordinary and life seems to stagnate. We are stuck. And God, in His grace, sends us to the desert. 

The desert is a lonesome place, full of challenges. We expect it to be barren and dry, but I was shocked that it rained during my visit. There was a refreshing peace and beauty in the solitude, away from city life. The desert is where the Creator wants to commune with you. He wants to speak like He did in the wilderness to Moses (Exodus 3:1). He wants to perform miracles in the wilderness like He did for His children long ago.

Perhaps we’ve missed how the desolate places and seasons can be exactly what we need to reconnect with God. We keep trying to find God in the familiar places when He wants to do something new. We’ve not realized that the desert holds more than just the struggle.

God is there and He wants to meet with you.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Under the covers, safe in my bed, I found it hard to sleep. The doors were locked, the lights turned off, and my roommate was away for several days. I had the house all to myself. For most of my adult life, this freedom would have been received joyfully. Yet, on the heels of tremendous loss, being alone at night had become a nightmare. I was a grown woman and I was afraid to be at home alone in the dark. I didn’t need someone next to me; I just needed the reassurance that someone else was in the house. The issue wasn’t as much about the darkness as it was about feeling completely and utterly alone. The night would remind me of the pain, of what I no longer had. The night’s reminders felt convincing enough: “See, Joy, it’s true. You are all alone.”

When I would try to sit before the Lord, it was difficult to hear anything. This “dark night of the soul,” as some would call it, was very, very dark. I kept going because that was all I could do. Slowly but surely, I began to hear in my heart the scripture:

“Never will I leave you or forsake you.”

It was only somewhat reassuring at first. Words that used to bring warm fuzzies to my heart seemed closer to an empty promise. Could I really count on God if He’d allowed all this loss to happen? The darkness of being alone felt stronger than these comforting words. This stormy season showed me that parts of my foundation were not “on the rock” (Matt. 7:25). Yet, I began to notice his “never will I leave you” ways pursuing me, restoring my foundation. I couldn’t deny how He was taking care of me in a manner beyond my control. He was there, even in the pain. Life and Jesus taught me that no matter what changed, I could never be alone because He was always there. Often it takes painful circumstances to let this truth settle deep into our hearts. It is a slow, often subtle, work to believe this truth to the core of our being. It’s easy to believe when we have what we want. It’s harder to believe when we don’t. When our foundation is on the rock, life’s circumstances won’t determine our ability to believe His words. Thanks to this painful season, I know more than ever before that I am not alone.

Neither are you, my friend, neither are you.

When Satan Speaks French

In the few years that I’ve lived in France, I have found people to be patient and kind when foreigners try to speak French. More often than not, they are very encouraging when I speak and my accent is a source of “cuteness” instead of annoyance. However, one day a “messenger of Satan” (2 Cor. 12:7), as I teasingly call her, came into my life. It was a brief encounter, but she made her mark. She was the stereotype: ruthless with her precious language, expecting perfection from all. She, unfortunately for me, sat near the front of an anti-trafficking training that my colleague and I were leading. She took it upon herself to correct any mistake we made, policing any pronunciation that wasn’t just right. How’d she do this? Under her breath but loud enough for me to hear. The topic was already a difficult one to teach in English; it was even more complicated in another language. I tried to smile and just keep going, but this “messenger” messed with my head. Honestly, I think she meant well, but it was anything but helpful. 

Despite the best of intentions, people can become “messengers of Satan,” pushing our buttons where we are most vulnerable. They seem to have a sixth sense for where insecurities lie. I tease when I label them this way, but I think you understand what I’m talking about. They are the ones who know what is best and they don’t mind telling you how to improve your life whether you asked for their input or not. When these messengers come, we must wage war. The battle isn’t with the person, despite the desire we may have to slap them silly. The battle is with the insecurity that surfaces. It’s a fight against those thoughts that want to perpetually tell you: “You’ll never get it right (a.k.a. perfect)” or “You are stupid” or whatever else the lie might be for you. We must be ruthless with these thoughts, recognizing their toxicity and then putting them in their place—to death. They have no place in our lives and they really must go. 

While it is true in this scenario that I will never be perfect in French, I don’t have to be a casualty from this discouraging encounter. The reality is that I am improving each day. In some ways, she has done me a great favor. She highlighted where I need to let God do some more work in my heart. Thankfully, that’s where I find another layer of freedom for my life.

What is your “messenger of Satan” showing you about your insecurities? What is the lie you need to put to death today?

A “Teen Mom” & Shopping: Caring What People Think

My youngest sister was born when I was in high school. Along with the joy of having a cute baby around the house, I was assigned baby duty quite often. Sometimes I loved it and other times I was a normal teenager who wasn’t thrilled about baby-sitting for free. [My older self thinks, “Smart move, Mom & Dad! Teach your teens responsibility and get free help with childcare!”]

The thing I disliked the most wasn’t a baby hanging on my side or when she cried. It wasn’t even the dirty diapers. It was the whispers. When I went to the store with my baby sister, I got looks. It was clear enough we were related. Onlookers gave away their thoughts with a puzzled stare and the frown that came after. The judgement felt palpable. I wanted to defend myself and explain: “This isn’t my baby! It’s my sister! I’m a good kid!”

I never did.

Now that I’m older, I regret not having some fun with those who incorrectly assumed I was a teen mom. Sadly, I cared far too much about what people who had no importance in my life thought of me. I felt like I needed to defend myself. I did not. I wanted their approval even though it wouldn’t last. There would be someone else who’d walk by and judge me. I’d want their approval too, which would satisfy me until the next person came by and I needed theirs as well. Finding approval in what others think of you is one of the most exhausting pursuits. It will never be enough.

If I could go back in time, I would tell my teenage self to stop stressing about what people think. It’s not worth your time. In the future you’ll have harder battles to fight, ones that hit much closer to home. Start listening to the only voice that matters–God’s–for the approval that you’re designed to crave. Then I’d need to jump back to the present, look in the mirror and tell myself that I still need to stop stressing about what people think. His approval is the only remedy to the incessant need for people’s validation.

At the end of my life, only one voice will matter. Did I do what He wanted or did I do what others wanted? Did I find rest for my weary soul in His acceptance and love or did I run myself ragged pursuing the fickle love and acceptance of others? Life is different than back in high school, but the question still rings true: Whose voice am I listening to?

Social Media & Ugly Thoughts

I was on social media the other day and it happened. Again. I saw someone’s post and I was envious. You know, that “feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, quality or luck” (NOAD). Depending on the post, the thought process might be something like this: Why do they get that opportunity (or that relationship, possession, experience) and not me? Then, I look for judge-y reasons to put them down in my head: Oh, it’s only because they are related to so and so. Oh, they don’t deserve that because of this or that. If people knew how they behaved that one time when….

It’s embarrassing to confess these ugly thoughts and that they come too easily and too often. I am a competitive person, but I hide it most of the time. My competitive spirit comes out when my expectations in life aren’t “winning” and it appears someone else is “beating” me via social media. It’s nonsense when I step back, but it can easily be my knee-jerk thought process.

The truth is my life is not a competition with others. I’m on the path God has for me and I am called to be ME, not anyone else. When that ugly thought of comparison creeps in, I am learning, more slowly than I’d like to admit, to kill the competition with a prayer of joy and celebration. In other words, I am changing my thinking (another way of defining repentance), which then changes my reaction (evidence of repentance). “What a great opportunity! God, help them in this endeavor. Give them the strength and the grace to succeed. Bless them beyond their expectations.”

It takes a bit of warming up to celebrate the blessing you want that someone else receives. It’s downright hard in some cases. Why is it worth doing? Because this world needs Christians who deal with their envy instead of avoiding it. The world needs people willing to cheer others on, “rejoicing with those who rejoice” and praying for the success of others. For all the disadvantages of social media, it is one of the easiest avenues to practice this regularly. It can be a refining fire if we allow it to be.

How do you fight the comparison that social media can breed in your heart? Please share your best tools in the comments section.

When “Waiting Patiently” is An Excuse

This post is for the person who has been waiting patiently. Before we go any further, I know there is balance, but some of us have been waiting patiently, too patiently. We’ve labeled it “waiting” when really we’ve been HIDING. We’ve been hoping life will magically roll out the red carpet for our dreams to come true. We’ve been hoping someone will find us and discover that hidden talent or skill set that we want the world to acknowledge and applaud. The problem is we’ve been so shy about it that not many (or does anyone?) know about this desire or gifting.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What has God called me to be and to do?
  • I can’t be a crazy person and push my way to the front, but am I developing the skill set for this goal, dream or calling?
  • Am I doing everything I can to be the very best at what I want to be, do, become in the current season I am in?

Sometimes our passivity is laziness. Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes it’s recusing ourselves from any responsibility for life. Sometimes it’s because of bad theology. Our relationship with God is a partnership. We do our part and He does His. His part is so much bigger than ours, but we have a part to play!

Most dreams are not fulfilled in a splitsecond like we’d like, but we can, each one of us, be working towards the God-size dreams we have in our hearts. Waiting is valuable and necessary. What are you doing as you wait for the right doors to open? Are you strengthening your “talent muscles,” growing in humility and integrity, practicing where possible, and increasing your knowledge and experience?

Burying your talent is the opposite of being faithful. Know what you are good at and accept the constructive feedback you receive. Cultivate the gifts you have even as you wait, but please do not hide and mistakenly call it “waiting.”