Finding Joy In The Journey

To All My Single Friends

Very recently, there was a potential love interest: a cute guy who loves Jesus was interested in me. I tried to contain myself, but in some ways the strongest feeling was relief. FINALLY, it’s MY turn. I thought of all the younger women who have had their chance before me. Finally, I get to join the “club” and it felt great. Hope was restored.

Then, whether it is for the best or not, it didn’t work out. “Disappointed” is a mild term for how I felt after my hopes were dashed yet again. I’m not saying all that came to the surface was good, but so many questions came. Anyone else know what I’m talking about?

If I were speaking to anyone but myself in this situation, I would want to remind my friend of a few things. So, to all my single friends (myself included), let’s celebrate a bit of truth today.

In the moments when it’s hard to be single, when life seems so unfair:

  • You are valuable just as you are today.
  • Your singleness is not a punishment.
  • You are beautiful. You are enough.
  • You are not more important when married, despite how it may feel in Christian culture.
  • I don’t know why you are still unmarried, but you–wonderful you–have so much to offer this world.
  • Live your life. Don’t wait to make it great for when/if you have a significant other. Make it great today!

There is much to celebrate in this life. Let’s help each other not to forget it. What encouragement would you add?

Find Your Voice: A Message to People Pleasers from a People Pleaser

Are you a people pleaser? Someone who caters to what others want? Do you obsess over whether people like you or not? No? Oh yeah…me neither.

To all the people pleasers like me, we have an important message to hear and LIVE out—your voice and your opinion matter. If you want to make a difference in this world, you must use your voice! In order to use it, you must find it first! 

What do I want to say? What do others need to hear? What should I say and not say? These are questions we must ask ourselves when we do the hard work of changing our people pleasing ways. 

Simply regurgitating what you think others want to hear or repeating what you’ve been taught without accepting it yourself is not the role of a mature adult. However, finding out, for certain, what you believe is.

It takes times for people pleasing types to stop acting like a chameleon. It takes silence, solitude and God’s help. What’s really going on inside your heart? What are you really thinking and feeling? Each of us have a God-given voice to be used for good. To be used for making a difference, not simply pacifying those around us. 

1. Figure out what you believe, what you really believe.

Not what everyone else says. Not what your parents’ say. Figure out what YOU believe and WHO you believe in. This “who” should become your compass in place of making everyone happy. As I strengthen my faith in Jesus, I find my confidence and my voice.

2. Accept the most difficult truth for people pleasers.

Despite your best efforts, you can’t make everyone happy all of the time. You are not a genie. You are not sugar or chocolate. You are a human and you must decide to quit making everyone around you the gods you serve and appease. [Ouch. That hurts, I know.]

3. Learn to express your opinion.

This one can be challenging at first. Start small. When you are going out to eat with friends or family, don’t just say, “Whatever you want to eat is fine with me.” Figure out what you want and contribute your opinion to the group. Your voice matters! Even if that isn’t where you end up going, learn to accept that things won’t always go your way. Being a chameleon is no life. It is an exhausting fake existence that ends up leading to emptiness. 

4. Remember — It’s Ok

It’s ok to have a differing opinion. It’s ok for others to not be happy. It’s ok to share your thoughts. Time and place rules apply, but learn, with the Holy Spirit’s help, to express yourself. Start with safe people. See how facing this fear and embracing the YOU God designed you to be will bring levels of freedom you never thought possible. 

Cheers to all my people pleasing friends online, may each of us find our voice and the freedom it brings! 

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Hi, my name is Joy.

I’ve decided to start a blog (again). I love to write down what I’m learning and thinking about. I’m here to share it with whoever wants to read it. The internet can be a toxic place, but it can also be a wonderful place for community and friendship. Of course, this type of internet community could never replace face to face contact, but it can be a way to make new friends and enhance our lives. So, I’m here online to make new friends, share what I’m discovering and learn from people like you who are reading this blog!

Welcome to my journey of finding joy in the many ways that can be interpreted when your name is Joy!